Au Revoir...

Me and everything around me, is unstable like Chernobyl
Ready to go at any moment, jumpin like a pogo stick
I never lived up to my expectations, so I accept the patience
Expect the worse but now I'm pacin
Back and forth, inside, I'm melting like water on wicked bitches
A monster truck done came and ran over my picket fences
I had the best of life in my clinches but monkey wrenches was thrown
Like chairs kings sit on, my prayers seem to long
I fall asleep before the endin, don't even get to say Amen
I hope He understand I be on bended knees
At times, I think I'm crazy, so I say forget it
Or maybe it's the devil infiltrating and like Riddick...Bowe
I've been fighting this since them fetus days
I count from one to twenty, when I'm through, repeat the phrase
It's just a phase, it's gon all pass, but that gets old too
I'm weakening like a deacon doin dirt
What am I supposed to do?

-Andre 3000 on "Millenium" from the ATLiens album

This will be my last post as 7Soul...

Most of the people I know probably won't care...

Those that do...will more than likely let me know.

It's been about 5 months since I last posted, not because I haven't written. Not because I've been lazy even. It's because wasn't me...I wasn't the same inspired, transparent, and slightly eccentric writer that I have been...and for those that really wanted to read my work, I apologize.

Life is funny, you know...whenever I've gotten out of balance, life's pulled me back. I thank the Most High for that...I do.

In the past few weeks I've learned alot...about myself, about the people I surrounded myself with, about the people that surrounded me (Yes, there's a difference), and about my life in general...my dreams...my future...and the gifts that the Most High has given me.

So, essentially...I'm purging again. No, not like in the anorexic sense...but rather in the emotional and relational sense. Some relationships must be released...some emotions must be let go of...

The last time I did that was when I cut my dreads off. So, consider this another rebirth for me. Am I changing as a person? Nope... Am I letting some people go? Yes. No hard feelings.

I still haven't answered my own question of "why" though...

Simply put...I'm no longer able to continue to be the open person that I am. I can no longer focus on the happiness of those who don't really care about me. I can no longer allow hypocrisy to be near me in any form. I can no longer be in one-sided friendships. One of two things had to happen...I either had to assimilate and become, for lack of a non cliche term, "fake" like some of the people that chose to be around me or, I could embrace the freedom that the Most High offered me a long time ago through the gifts that He gave me. I neglected that freedom. I allowed others to disrespect that freedom which, essentially, caused me to disrespect it. So, like India.Arie said, I'm coming back to the middle.

Don't worry...I'll write again, on a different blog...with a different penname. Those who know me, will know the address...those who don't...I bid you adieu.

God is Love...

Chad "7Soul" Hullett