Saturday, July 04, 2009

July 4th... (A double post day...) PART DEUX

Part deux....

Michael Jackson is dead. I'm saddened...but I'm not suprised. I was one of the few people that saw Michael as a tortured soul who would eventually self destruct. It sounds callous to the sensitive, but the truth of the matter is Michael Jackson' life was more painful and pressure-filled than any of ours may ever be. I knew Michael would eventually succumb to it.

Branded as a child molester, a self hating psycho, and the weirdest black man alive, Michael Jackson suffered the slings and arrows of Black America's oppression. The type of self-destructing attitude that gives us the "crabs in a barrel" mentality more than we'd like to admit 90% of the time. Phonte from Little Brother said it best on his Myspace blog (http://2dopeboyz.okayplayer.com/2009/06/30/phonte-my-hero-aint-molest-them-bitch-ass-kids-blog/) however, I still feel the need to speak on it...

Michael Jackson was the James Brown of our generation. For every hit that James Brown had that made us proud to be black, Michael Jackson has one. (Occasionally with an avant-garde look.) The dance moves, the extravagant clothes and shows, the crossover success. Michael Jackson built upon the legacy of James Brown, Jackie Wilson, Frankie Lymon, and Sam Cooke and took our natural gifts worldwide prompting both admiration from the likes of Usher and emulation from Justin Timberlake and Robin Thicke.

The world mourns this black man. Yes, this black man. Stricken with vitiligo and forced to live a life under a microscope of speculation from detractors both black and white that would claim that he hated his skin color and chose to bleach himself. Those that questioned his Super Bowl performance...asking questions like, "Why didn't he pick up a black baby?"

Michael Jackson bore the weight of his own talent and our unrelenting, unrealistic, and at times ludicrous expectations from our black leaders, figureheads, entertainers, and ICONS. This ICON lived a life of immense talent and constant ridicule from his own people.

While I participated in the traditional Michael Jackson jokes along with many others, I never truly gave credence to the allegations lobbied against him...I'm sure many will say that's easy to say after the fact, but I don't care. I have the records (not CDs) to prove my fanhood. LOL!

I still remember laying in bed as a child listening to the song Ben over and over after one of my childhood friends passed away. No tears came, because I probably didn't fully understand death...as I don't really understand it today at 25...however, I knew that Ben had to be an expression of friendship in the musical form. I remember my parents getting me out of bed for one of their ghetto get-togethers and having me imitate Michael Jackson for company. Michael Jackson gave me my love of dancing, human body mechanics, and emotional music. For that I will be eternally grateful.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson...you will be forever known as The King of Pop

July 4th... (A double post day...)

POST 1: STEVE MCNAIR

At approximately 4:32 p.m. ET today...I found out Steve McNair had been killed. A tightness in my chest exists that is somewhat unfamiliar in terms of sadness. The reason it is unfamiliar is because I did not know the man. I never shared a laugh with him, never had a conversation with him, and never shook his hand. Honestly, I had not ever been in the same vicinity as Steve "Air" McNair. Believe it or not though, Steve McNair had a little bit of an impact on my development as a young black male...

The year was 1994, and I was a young little league quarterback with dreams of playing college football. Steve McNair was in his senior season at Alcorn State. Week in and week out, I found myself with my hands under the center, reading the defense, pretending to be Steve McNair on every single play. I did not look up to the professional quarterbacks of the day. I was completely enamored by the athletic play and sheer ability of this black man 10 years my senior.

On my teams bye week, my parents took me to see Miles College football games. My parents being alumnae of Miles, I naturally was predisposed to have an affinity for the school. Visions of wearing a purple jersey with a gold helmet as a 20 year old danced in my head. I dreamed of taking Miles College to a notoriety unheard of by the alumni or the student body. Dreams, although ultimately deferred for a number of reasons, were sparked by one man. Steve "Air" McNair.

Steve McNair stood on the shoulders of giants...Doug Williams from Grambling and Warren Moon. He was a black man unhampered by the norms of professional footballs traditional offensive schemes and quarterback archetypes. He was the link from Randall Cunningham to (*sigh*) Michael Vick. A quarterback that could run AND throw, one who relished contact, and could read/pick apart a defense as good as any quarterback to touch a football...

While knee injuries and size disparities kept me from fulfilling my dream of playing football, the knee problems more than anything, I still maintained an affinity for Steve McNair and tentativley followed his career. I pray that his legacy, toughness, ability, and determination to be a strong black quarterback is passed on to some 10 or 11 year old boy with a pair shoulder pads and cleats...that straps up his chinstrap every day of the football and dreams of taking Grambling, Howard, Tennessee State, Morehouse, Clark-Atlanta, Tuskegee, Miles, Albany State, or any other HBCU to a place of national athletic recognition. More importantly...I pray that that same child...dares to dream...

God Bless The McNair Family

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I'm BAAAAAACK...as an American Soldier.

The best soldiers are not warlike...

-Chinese Proverb


On May 22nd I became an American Soldier. I graduated from Basic Combat Training at Fort Jackson, SC from the 3rd Battalion, 34th Infantry Regiment, Foxtrot Company, 3rd Platoon. (I had to throw all that in so you'd know EXACTLY where I was. LOL!)

I'm currently at Fort Meade Maryland in the US Army Signal School Detachment. I'm attending Defense Information School, also known as DINFOS.

I've been asked repeatedly how I feel about my decision to volunteer for the Army...

Truthfully, I'm still not sure. For the time being I absolutely love it. Then again, I haven't been through the things that millions of soldiers before me have experienced. Yes, I graduated basic training. Yes, I'm currently in AIT and enjoying being a journalist again. Is this this real Army, so to speak? Certainly not.

After leaving hear, hopefully I'll go to Airborne school...yes, black people do jump out of airplanes and land safely.

After that, I have no idea where I'll be.

I've also been asked if I'm afraid of going to Iraq or Afghanistan.

No. I'm not...

It's not because I'm super bad-ass. Because I'm not. It's not because I'm institutionalized and been trained to say that...I'm the FARTHEST thing from that. I just really understand the magnitude of the position I volunteered for. I volunteered to be a soldier. An active duty soldier in the United States Army in a time of war...TWO wars...and what looks like an impending third one.

Does that make me crazy....well, probably.

Am I afraid though...no.

Why? Because I'm sure the God I pray to EVERY SINGLE DAY will protect me. That's not some sort of All-American statement. That's my honest to goodness real-life answer. No joke.

Would it suck to go over there for 12-15 months? YES! I'm sure it would. No one...unless they're diehard infantry or a Marine just says, "YES! YES! SEND ME TO THE FREAKIN' SANDBOX FOR A YEAR!"

The fact of the matter is though, eventually I'll probably end up over there...and there would be nothing I could do or say to change that. Then again, why ould I want to? Like I said, I'm not claiming to be the toughest guy on the block...because I've proven time and again that I'm probably NOT that guy that chews nails and spits out bullets. One thing that I could never be mistaken for though is a coward. Shirking away from duty is an act of cowardice on a number of levels....

Last question I'll answer that I get repeatedly...

Has the military changed me?

Well...truthfully...yes and no.

Yes, the military has me waking up at 4:00 a.m. running a couple of miles, doing pushups, situps, flutter kicks, and got knows what kind of exercises Sgt. Bray comes up with. Yes, I've gotten a little accustomed to a certain level of discipline and order in my life. (Something that has actually been beneficial...believe it or not.) I've also picked up a stronger sense of a few values that I always understood and possessed but, truthfully, never really sought to actively practice them every second of the day.

How has it not changed me?

I'm still liberal. I still hold my same opinions on war, economics, abortion, and politics. I'm still a poet. I still love true hip-hop. I still love...LOVE. I'm still the same fun-loving, caring, quasi-emotional guy that I was before I left. I just wear a uniform now and am alot more relaxed and confident. I no longer worry incessantly about things I can't change.

So...expect the same. Pray for better. I know I will be...

-SE7EN

Thursday, February 05, 2009

So, I'm leaving...

March 2nd...I'm gone. Period. I can't stop the process, I refuse to turn around. Even if I could stop the process...I wouldn't. I understand more and more each day why I absolutely HAVE to leave...

While the bumps and blows of life, initially brought me to this point. The fact of the matter is...my personal convictions and dreams have made me okay with it. I can't continue to languish in mediocrity or settle in a city that revels in it. Yeah, I could stay...continue doing my thing and try to help make the city better one person at a time, but I've realized that more often than not productions and performances get you more results than hard work. I'm not that kind of person.

The only productions and performances I do are poetry...and that's actually a selfish act more often than not. Yes, I pray someone gets something from my work and takes something away from a performance (On the rare occassions that I actually prepare and do them as opposed to being put on the spot....). However, more often than not...poetry serves as a therapeutic release for me. It's not a vainglorious action in any way...

Sure, I could give you names, places, dates, activities, receipts, and all sorts of other things that I have done trying to make this city better one child at a time...but why should that matter? Why should I exploit my work, my personal sacrifice, my love, for some personal/political gain? That's nothing more than self aggrandizement at the expense of someone else...in my particular case, a child.

A great friend and beautiful soul once said to me, "Everyone is looking for a come up....sometimes you just may be it...."

Well, Margaret...I understand now. I have been a few people's come up. I have been stepped on more than once to make sure someone else could see farther, reach higher, and be taller. At one point I reveled in the role of being a person who could help make things happen for other people. If I could help you get somewhere, no matter how near or far it was...I would do it.

What happens to me in the mean time? My dad once told me, "When you run out of favors...you run out of friends." Well, I got a few friends. (Literally, a few) Those people aren't going anywhere. I love them...they love me. They'll be here forever.

Well, I've run out of favors. I've run out of time. I've run out of patience. So, with all that being said...I'm no longer of service to anyone but myself and my close circle. I still got love for other people. I still care about people in general...but after March 2nd...I'm gone. Will I write if I care? SURE. When I come back, will I visit? You darn right! Will I come back for good? Hopefully...No.

I started off a poem I wrote in my notebook earlier with, "Don't tell me you'll hold me down...I might believe you." Well, I've allowed too many people to "be there", "Help me", and essentially "Hold me Down"

For lack of a better ending I'll say, "Put on your big girl draws everybody! The cargo is about to be jettisoned!"

Dear B'ham....(Inspired by Jay-Z's Dear Summer)



"For Jesus himself testified, that a prophet hath no honour in his own country."

John 4:44 (NIV)


Don't tell me that you'll hold me down...
I may actually believe you...

Dear B'ham/I know you gon' miss me at the crib
Because we go back like baby spit and bibs
Air forces and polo horses/A city where young niggas turn lighters to torches
I may come back one day/But I'm thinking it may be best to stay away
Because you never gave me a chance/Now you see me packing my bags like "aww damn"
Why you can't stay the city needs your voice?/But honestly the city/it left me without a choice
Can't chase my dream/City wouldn't give me a chance/I held you down for some years and couldn't get a helping hand
It's ok though/I understand disappointment so far/Became intimate with it while I was living in my car
But I refuse to fail/Won't let you break me/I'm smarter than most of ya'll/Harder this will make me/
You gonna miss me one day I suspect/I promise the day leave won't be one of regret/
Crabs in a barrell/I got tired of staring down/I guess you could call me a king crab because I'm escaping now/
By my own terms/ not the means I thought/Still the battle I'll fight now are better than the battles I lost...

So if you look for me Magic City one of these days/Wait 10 years and check the New York Times...front page...

Goodbye...

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Home Is Where The Hatred Is...

A junkie walking through the twilight
I'm on my way home
I left three days ago, but noone seems to know i'm gone
Home is where the hatred is
Home is filled with pain and it,
might not be such a bad idea if i never, never went home again

stand as far away from me as you can and ask me why
hang on to your rosary beads
close your eyes to watch me die
you keep saying, kick it, quit it, kick it, quit it
God, but did you ever try
to turn your sick soul inside out
so that the world, so that the world
can watch you die

home is where i live inside my white powder dreams
home was once an empty vacuum that's filled now with my silent screams
home is where the needle marks
try to heal my broken heart
and it might not be such a bad idea if i never, if i never went home again
home again
home again
home again
kick it, quit it
kick it, quit it
kick it, quit it
kick it, can't go home again

--Gil Scot Herron from "Home Is Where The Hatred Is"


They say home is where hate is
But Where does love lie?
Because looking in your eyes all I saw was love cry
Listening to your voice I only heard love lie
So now I wonder was this home full of love or a feeble try?
Love was supposed to give me wings so that I may fly...
Instead, wings of wax melted as I tried to kiss the sky...
Deceit became a way for me to make it through the day...
And when it gave way to pain, it nearly drove me insane...
Nights marked with nothing more than dreams of unseen measurements...
Vainglorious thinking that my circumstances were heaven sent...
Until I realized I was slow dancing with the devil and...
Destiny was nothing more than my own sense of settlement...
Tell me when this gets too familiar...
So I'm looking in the mirror...
Wondering if another day will show me something clearer...
I listen to "Daykeeper" and think of someone to love me...
Keep my days from being filled with pain and bring beauty to nights so ugly...
Trying to make myself T-R-U-S-T He...
That gave me life...
Yet I blamed him for nothing more than my strife...
Leaving all else I had to fate...
Now I work twice as hard simply to save face...
A forgotten son of chance...
A student of lost opportunity...
I've been bludgeoned by all that these streets have to offer...
So tell me, what else can you do to me?
I'm packing my bags now...
One foot out the door...
My mind far away...
My soul longs to break free...
Yet my heart begs me to stay...
Home...
Is a fond memory of someone else's personal advancement...
An associates big break...
And a friend to be pitied for missed chances...
To realize a potential so great that was stifled by those who claim that love lives here...
So as a testament to a forgotten childhood, an adolescence full of stress, and a manchild in the midst of convalescence...
I refuse to shed a tear...
This is the beginning...
Maybe home is an ending...
Maybe the few beams of hope that I had were bending...around me...
Maybe the few droplets of passion that soothed my soul...now drown me...

So tell me...
If home was all you had...
And it rejected you...
Would you be there...
Or allow it to be the dried up dream deferred...
Blowing away in the winds of a life ultimately deterred...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Purposefull

Seeing yourself through the eyes of God is difficult
So more often than not we choose to busy ourselves with matters miniscule
In the hopd that somehow they will make us matter as an individual
Hoping for something that will make life feel a little more full

Material aims and personal gains have our prayers locked in chains
Sinking in the sea of vain repetition and ill advised requests for his healing rain
Our brains fathom only that which is tangible at times
So we ignore what He wants for us simply because its not right before our eyes.

If we see as He sees then our needs will He meet so we can cease to repeat the cycle of self-defeat
That we've chosen to trap ourselves in

If our palms press together for more than just handshakes and friction
Then maybe we can learn to listen
Understand our mission
And begin walking according to the scriptures spoken in His perfect diction
We can begin living in facts
As opposed to chasing fiction

Your purpose is more than a paycheck, a Rolex, or a Bentley
It's the divine right and gift that God gave you to live life and have it more abundantly
So while your actions and deeds have purpose and we should do them with fervor and energy
While you're working for a certain purpose, ask yourself are you existing and just desiring to be? Or are you standing on God's promises, and seekingdoingfighting to living life purposefully?

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Brunch...and The Night Before...

"I started on your poem last night...but I fell asleep with a pen in my hand"
She smiled
I did so reciprocally...
Wondering could she...
Possibly see how I really felt about her...

At 2 a.m. I told her that I thought she was simply wonderful
I pray the she will one day understand why I say such things, but my eyes see differently than hers...
My mind's a little different from hers
So hopefully poetry speaks louder than words...

She sees we in the same vein of struggle against life's circumstances...
Our knees press to carpet simultaneously praying for second chances...
Now we sit here in this urban semi-chic restaurant away from our friend's curious glances...
Talking about dreams deferred and how she once dreamed of performing dances...for the entire world to see...

Sitting in the back of an Explorer with the company of John Legend and the stars we spoke of frustration...
Dreams becoming obsolete like Atari 2600's and Playstations we tried to find joy in our 80's baby experiences to be related...
As she slipped into the comfortable crook of my outstretched arm to tell me goodbye I wondered why she had been dealt a hand so similar to mine...
I know that mine is a punishment...hers a learning experience...mine a consequence...hers an exercise in perseverance...

I see...a future mother, wife, and friend for a wonderful man. A picture of success. The true example of health.

At brunch I looked through the panes of her soul to see the pain in her heart as she spoke of getting out of her small country town...

Her gaze intensifies when she speaks of the blows of life that have bruised her mind...

I see peace when she speaks of the future...

Take care of your dreams...they have become your passion...follow them and they will sustain you...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Post Thanksgiving Thoughts from SE7EN...

The world I know
Is a world much too slow
(If you) Don't move fast enough...keep your head low


-Esthero on the song "Country Livin'"

First of All...I love that song.

Secondly, this is going to be a little different from some of my previous posts of prose...this one is me getting back to the original roots of this blog. That is, my candid thoughts and transparency...in terms of what I think, and essentially, how I think.

Now...On to the blogging...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm thankful for the God Given gift of true friendship. It occasionally takes the world to crumble around you to see who is exactly down for you and who is there when it's convenient. What I've realized is that I'm truly loved by a few people in this world. I thank God for their love, their kind words, their understanding, their companionship, the smiles they bring to my face and the joy they bring to my life. Dealing with some of the things that I've had to handle over the past 2 or 3 years...I honestly should, and could have been many times, completely and utterly destitute and probably insane.

Sometimes...I, like many people, go through things in my life that tend to require a lot of thought and introspection. Occasionally, as has been the case for the past couple of months...even years for some things, these matters require a VAST amount of time and thought. In these times...I tend to become very introverted and anti-social. You may see me...but I don't make phone calls, I may not return text messages, and I'm not as connected as I would normally be. Many people understand that...those are my true friends. Those who choose to simply...brush me aside...just don't understand me. That's not a bad thing...I'm failry complicated and hard to understand at times...My introspection and closed disposition does not mean that I don't care about you or love you. It's just how I deal with things. All I ask for is time and understanding...not a pound of flesh or an expectation of empathy. Some of the things I've been through you can't empathize with...you've never been there.

The loss of people close to me. The violence that surrounded me at one point. The anger I've harbored. The destructive tendencies I embraced as a result. The lies. The deceit. The setbacks. The trials. The tribulations. All have served to make me a stronger man...

I found that God had a few guardian angels watching out for me from time to time. Their prayers lifted me to his hands when I was too broken, hurt, and (more often than not) ashamed to pray for myself.

It's funny that throughout it all...the same people who I knew were down for me from day one STAYED DOWN for me...some people...just disappeared...

The test of true friendship is not measured in laughs, smiles, and enjoyment in times of jubilation, but rather in times of tribulation. Can you find yourself next to me as I'm falling...smiling and trying to make me do such...or would you rather watch me fall?

Some people enjoy watching train wrecks in slow motion...others...try to save the train by helping it switch tracks....thank God for great passengers who wake the conductor up when he falls asleep at the wheel.

So, for those that have helped me....I thank you...whether it was a kind text message, a good laugh, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on...I truly am thankful.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yey
Why, why, why, why, why, why, why
Why, Why, heh
They've got so much things to say right now
They've got so much things to say
They've got so much things to say right now
They've got so much things to say
I'll never forget no way, how they crucified Jesus Christ
I'll never forget no way, how they sold Marcus Garvey for rice
I'll never forget no way, how they turned their back on Paul Bogle
So don't you forget no way...
Who you are, and where you stand in the struggle
They've got so much things to say right now
They've got so much things to say
They've got so very many things, to say right now
They've got so much things to say
I'n'I nah come to fight flesh and blood
But spiritual wickedness in high and low places
And though you fight me down
I'll stand firm, and give Jah all the thanks and praises
I don't expect to be justified, by these laws of men
Though the we can find me guilty, Jah will proove my innocency
'cause when the rain falls, it don't, fall on one man's house top
Remember that
See when this rain falls, it don't, fall on one man's house top
They've got so much things to say right now
They've got so much, so much things to say
They've got, heh, so much things to say right now
They've got so, so much things to say
But let them keep talking, oh let them keep talking
'cause non of them walking, oh non of them walking, no
And while they still talking, see I'ma be walking
I'ma be walking, so let them keep talking
Said I never forget no way, how they crucified Jesus Christ
And I, I'll never forget, how they sold Marcus Garvey for rice
Said I, never forget, how they turned their backs on Paul Bogle
So non of you, non of you forget...
Who you are, and where you stand in the struggle
'cause when this rain, 'cause when this rain, rain, rain, rain, rain falls
It don't fall on one man's house, I'm telling you the rain...
I'm telling you the rain, rain, rain, rain, rain don't fall
It don't fall... they...
They've got, they've got, so many very things to say about me
I'm telling you: lie
They, and they, and they will have so many things
They'll have so many things to say about you... to say about you
'cause they don't know me, know me
They don't know me, oh they don't know me, oh they don't know me
Oh they don't know me well
They, they, they, they, they, they, they don't know my Father
'cause if they did, if they did... hey ey... theeey... heh..


-Lauryn Hill's "They've Got So Much Things to Say"

Lauryn said it better than I ever could.

I'm learning to win...I'm learning each rung of the ladder of success so that I may pull others with me...to quote Jay-Z, "If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is wack/Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black..."

That's exactly what I'm doing to some people. I can no longer afford ANY negativity in my life. The Bible often speaks of being pruned...well...I'm being chastened and pruned at the same time....Now THAT'S an experience for ya! I'll be sure to keep you posted on how that goes.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

"I'm just a soul
Who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, Please don't let me be misunderstood...


-Nina Simone's "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood"

Ok...Long, before Kanye sampled this for Common and (someone insert producer name here) sampled it for Wayne's diatribe about the American Gov't, Sex Offenders, and Al Sharpton (of all people...)

This was one of my favorite songs...

I pray that I'm not misunderstood in my actions by some close to me. I know I've hurt some people, and for that I deeply apologize. Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm always well intentioned when it comes to my actions and decision making. Sometimes, things don't work out that way and between my...weirdness, complicated way of viewing life, and the random everyday stuff that happens to me, I can get sidetracked and shift priorities...

So, for any of the people that I care about that I've hurt....I'm truly sorry and will try my HARDEST to atone for my actions.

If you have to ask yourself whether I care about you....well....you may wanna just ask me...mmmkay?

Don't speculate before you informate....yeah, like Weezy F. Baby said. BTW, is "informate" a word? I should've "spec'd" before I checked? OR is it the other way around...Ok...yeah.

Feel free to comment. I'm sure some of you have VERY interesting things to say right now....


BTW, Go pick up Foreign Exchange's "Leave it All Behind" That's some DAMN GOOD MUSIC!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Untitled...

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Sunday, November 09, 2008

At home bored?

Post random stuff to your blog from Youtube!!!!

Goodie Mob feat. Esthero - Country Livin' (The World I Know)

I heard Esthero's solo version first....then I found this....Beautiful imagery....



Classic...

Goodie Mob...Soul Food...



Man....I'm SO GLAD I was born in the South...despite the B.S. and Racism...

Outkast and Cee-Lo...In Due Time...My theme Song...



One of the Greatest Posse Tracks of ALL TIME!



Not a video...but the song speaks for itself...



The Heirs to Outkast's and Goodie Mob's Throne...Little Brother...



One more from LB...one of my favortie tracks of all time....

Thursday, November 06, 2008

These Words...

MY words are my sanity/
See/Some rappers spit for vanity/
I spit only for clarity/Occasionally for the family/
Trying to find common ground in a land not meant for me/
The microphone is like a metronome/
My pen...a simple passion...
My Notebook is my therapist/
I'm praying that it keeps hearing this/
Because the fact of the matter is/
My way of living is reckless/
Borderline negligent/
But I guarantee you that my words are heaven sent/
'Cause I swear to you I couldn't write this...

I tend to write on my knees/
Because this is my communion/
With words/HE's blessed me/
He has KEPT me/
Through hard times and tibulation/
Yet and still I do things to constantly violate HIM/

These words kept me from suicide/
At times helped me to survive/
Gave me a new mind/
Showed me a new grind/
My ability to express myself lyrically/
Tends to humble me/
In a word filled with sin and greed/
It keeps me steady focusing/
On my task at hand/
Hoping to reach just one man or/
Wo-man and show them I understand/

Though it's a cliche/
Pain is only temporary/
Pride is forever/
So I use these words to keep my life together/
To keep me going forever/
Immortality through literary presence/
Divine Inspiration is the prerequisite/

To Be Continued...

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Maybe I'll Be Back One Day...

I put my faith on ice because I didn’t have any dangling from my wrist or hanging from my neck/

The chains I savored were holding me back as my materialism slowly creeped into the recesses of my psyche in an attempt to lock me into a cycle of pain, poverty, and pleasure driven past times…like hustling

A hard day’s work is noble, but a hard day hustling gets you over/Keeps you floating/makes you vulnerable...

To the traps of life and black manhood/Police/Prison/and the pain of finding yourself in a situation you never wanted to be in or believe in...so you spend thousands of hours reminiscing on days gone by and innocence lost...grieving....

This is the path I've chosen/It seems as though even though I hold a college degree/D'Evils of my peer pressure influenced past consume me...forgive the reference to Jay-Z/I'm just dealing with a lot of Reasonable Doubt right now/I'm doubting my reasons for believing and my chances of achieving the the dreams that seemed so guaranteed when I was a young boy/Now I'm a grown man whose dreams and path of unsteady unrighteousness have made him paranoid...

All I really want to do is breathe...

Live a little bit...

Grasp that little bit of life...and love...because the pursuit of happiness is simply superficial when the only power you can relate to is that gained from behind a pistol...the only love you seem to see is that overt outpouring of emotion at a funeral...or the harsh realization that only the triviality of life seems to be undisputable...

Nowadays I tend to pray on the highway because i makes me feel like my life is actually going somewhere...I talk to God conversationally because it makes me feel like I'm taking a closer walk with thee...Yet when my feet hit the ground...so does my faith...it gets replaced with a demeanor described only as callous...an expression of contempt and malice for all things that do not benefit me...a selfishness that stretches my psyche...and a lust for confrontation that could only threatens to destroy me...God help me...

I realized that running from my past would only serve to make me weaker...so I dived headfirst in it only to realize that I was not confronting it...it was confronting me...drawing me back into the man that I had fought so hard not to be...Now...I fear I know nothing but him...

Sorry Mama...your little boy is gone forever...the man you knew is too...

I'm still existing...but the fire that was once in my eyes has gone from almost white with voracity to a mind numbing green of bitter blasphemy...

Maybe I'll be back one day...

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Untitled...

I remember tying to atone for the things in my past by trying to be a better human being/
Now I'm seeing the fruits of my labor are nothing more than covering up the carnal cravings I savor with flavors of the bland kind/
Steadily tiptoeing through life like my future is filled with landmines/
Wondering where I'm...going/
My past cant be changed/
My future can be rearranged and my present is nothing more than the fleeting feeling of chains/
Being broken that is...
Rather than hoping with fear/
I'm living with fire/
Because I'm trying keep going forward, love life, and inspire/

A whole new generatioN NIGGAS like me...
YES, I said "NIGGAS" like me...

Never Ignorant, Getting Goals Accomplished Steadily, like Tupac said...

Maybe you should look a little higher if the last line went over your head.

I once drowned myself in the sorrows of what I once wanted to be my forever/
Now I bend paperclips back over my dreams to keep my life together/
In my notebook/
I dog-ear these pages in an attempt to remember my innocence/
So that my life can stop being a reconciliation of intelligence and ignorance/

That's generally called cognitive dissonance...

I used to fight for freedom and now that I have it/
I'm helping others grab it/
There's nothing like seeing yourself for the first time/
Through your own eyes/
Then you realize that these cats who tried to give you real lies/
In an attempt to make you realize their/
Disconnected reality/
Was just another part of the devil's plan to trap you in this thing that they call "Insanity"/
While the whole time God just wanted you to ask that he/
Take...the burden...off....your shoulders...

Others' expectations are not your own/
So when you feel alone/
Unable to move on/
Or just damn through with the world...

Remember...that God...is love.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

24 Hours to Live....

"I want you/ 'cause you make my heart skip the beat that I drum to/
I want to be the one you run to/when pain confronts you
You're everything/sometimes I get nervous when I'm in front of you
You can hear it in my voice when I ask you if you comfortable/
Look how love do/I'd practice the Art of War for you like Sun Tzu
Come through and arouse you every morning like the sun do
If you blackout and collapse I want to help you to come to
Notice I haven't yet got into what I want from you
I want you to come too when I come through and make you shine like the sun do
I want you to be the valley for my river to run through
Your everything/send your soul through your lips to my heart
Sweet music will start/I want you to be the muse of my art
When people try to rip us apart/we got to work to stay together
Go through the seasons of love and never change with the weather
This is my wish list/what I want/not what I need/there's a difference
These days I'm learning that words got power so I'ma be specific..."


Talib Kweli on "Talk To You" from the Quality LP

If I had 24 hours to live...I would give up my eternity to spend it with you...
Every breath I take that day would be witnessed and shared with you...
You...

The muse I refuse to stop writing about...

The love I refuse to stop crying about...

Tears of joy...makee trails down my heart...

Cleansing it of all impurities/Proving...that you're all I'll ever need...
The peace of God resides with me presently...
Whenever you're in my presence...I feel joy will be here for me eternally...

But I only have 24 hours to live...

And I want to spend every 1,440 minutes in your arms...
Every 86,400 seconds should be filled with your touch...
Every blinkinhalationexhalationthought wrapped up in you...

My dying words...would be unheard...
But my smile...would be worth a million words...

23 hours and 59 minutes pass...and all I've known is love...

Now...since God has chosen to grant me one more day...

Can we share it?

Forever...

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Forgetting my place...

Y'all niggas deal with emotions like b*tches
What's sad is I love you 'cause you're my brother
You traded your soul for riches
My child, I've watched you grow up to be famous
And now I smile like a proud dad, watching his only son that made it

-Nas from "Ether" off his Stillmatic LP


I gave you a place to rest your head...
Fed you when you were hungry...
Comfort when you were broken...
Peace when you were dying inside...

Now all I hear from you is lies and inconsistencies
These unfortunate portions of your soul that chose to bare themselves to me...
On the eve of my breakthrough...
I take it you...
Are feeling yourself...

Worse than death, betrayal is hell...
A heart too big to dwell inside this fleshly shell and fragile frame
I gave you love, identity, and a new name...
I christened you "the one who would be first"
I lifted you when even family would rather see you in dirt...
I selflessly gave you footing...
Now I helplessly stand here weeping...on the inside

My tears dried in my heart and left the residue of a friendship...
Scratch that...
A Kinship...
A bond that knew no boundaries...or so I thought...
Now I want to take back all of the travailing truths that I bought...

For us...

Standing in the gap for you made me stronger....

DAMN...

I wish strength didn't hurt so much...

Monday, September 01, 2008

A Letter to The One I Was Choosing...

Dear (Name Deleted),

I know you have issues. I do too. I know you aren't trying to "jump" into a relationship. I'm not either. I know you want to "take it slow." I do too.

Don't take my kindness and understanding for a form of weakness though. That's a fatal mistake...

Correction: That WAS your fatal mistake...

I'm done with this...

Period...

No more calling me at 2 a.m. with eyes full of tears and fear enveloping your heart. No more drinks. No more meals. No more random texts during the day just to let you know that I'm thinking about you and respect you.

I'm done...

You have disrespected me and tried me for the last time...

So when you wake up and realize that I'm a GOOD guy...it'll probably be too late.

I'm moving on...

No more putting others on hold simply because I'm trying to direct our ship onto a positive course. You OFFICIALLY have taken the wind out of my sails.

I don't mind being your friend...

I think you're talented, intelligent, and VERY attractive...

Can't trust every pretty smile though...

I'll be glad to talk to you...between 9 and 5 Monday through Friday and 10-4 on Saturday.

I won't be inviting you to church anymore...

That is all.

Sincerely,
SE7EN...

Monday, August 25, 2008

10 Years Removed...

Now Suzy Skrew had a partna named Sasha (Sasha), Thumper (Thumper)
I remember her number like the summer
when her and Suzy yeah they threw a slumber - - party
but you can not call it that cause it was slummer
Well it was more like spend the night
Three in the morning yawnin dancin under street lights
We chillin like a villain and a nigga feelin right
in the middle of the ghetto on the curb, but in spite
all of the bullshit we on our back starin at the stars above
(aww man) Talkin bout what we gonna be when we grow up
I said what you wanna be, she said, "Alive" (hmm)
It made me think for a minute, then looked in her eyes
I coulda died, time went on, I got grown
Rhyme got strong, mind got blown, I came back home
to find lil Sasha was gone
Her mamma said she with a nigga that be treatin her wrong
I kept on singin my song and hopin at a show
that I would one day see her standin in the front row
But two weeks later she got found in the back of a school
With a needle in her arm, baby two months due, Sasha Thumper

-Andre 3000 from Outkast on the song "Da Art of Storytellin (Part 1)" from the Aquemini album

At the age of 15 I was living in a dream state
Life hadn't yet simply shaken me awake
i thought we would last until....forever ended
Bended backwards over thoughts of upright notions
Hoping that these emotions wouldn't leave me broken
But you left me...
For those who weren't like me...
Spitefully held on to the animosity...
Brought on by the absence of my best friend...

Unparalleled you were
Not I woman I've met since had beauty compared to hers
i saw you as a deity...
far be it from me to put many on a pedestal
i only wanted you to see you like i saw you...

i remember the first time i saw you...
live enough to rock penny loafers and an updo
coworker turned friend
transformed/youbecamea GODsend
created to show me how to be a real man...

i remember our first conversation...
your admission of self esteem issues shocked me...
i had the same problem too...
you...unlike me...were absolutely physically beautiful...
i was only "cute", "attractive", or another one of those names you call someone "un-ugly"
you were...an angel...

i remember our conversations on the future...
you wanted to go to UA...
i wanted to go to Morehouse...
i ended up at UA...
partially praying that you had chosen the same path...
although at that point we hadn't spoken in years...

my anger has subsided...
my heart is still crying...
i never understood why you threw me away...
we're two different people now...
and i'm a 25 year old man still insanely seeking closure...
in a lot of my past...

sometimes you never let go of the first person to understand you...

the last time we saw one another...
i was ecstatic...
you were working on my campus...
i was hurting on my campus...
you healed a small part of me...
yet there's still a small part of me...
that's leaving the light on for you...

i saw pictures of you recently...
and prayed...
fervently...
that wherever you were...
you were happier...
than i proclaim to be...

10 years later....

is it wrong for me to still love you...

i don't think so....

Friday, August 01, 2008

Black Girl Lost Redux...

Diamonds all shinin'/Lookin all fly
Pretty lil' face/she get a lil' high
Young girl strugglin'/tryin' to survive
Mother of The Earth/she made you and I
Just tired of playin' the same ol' games
Messin' with my mind/emotional pain
And there goes a black girl lost...

The first time i saw behind her eyes i saw
generational lies
that had been told to her
A part of me simply wanted to mold her
Open these arms and hold her
Because the world had been so cold to her

Behind the equatorial lines on her forehead
was a dreamer
And since my mind's eye has been blessed
with sight a little keener
i knew what those dreams were

She wanted to be directed by HIM
Unaffected by them
And to no longer the object of misdirected affection
of any man that would refer to her as "slim", "shawty", or "redbone
Because for so long she had been trapped inside these ephemisms and pet names
that the process of self degradation and defacement had reached a cataclysmic point inside her brain...
Then we got the nerve to ask, "What's in a name?"

How about an identity...

I listen to her tell me about being raped at age 12
A home life resembling hell and how her image of a fair God fell
My chest swells as tears well up in my eyes
And I think about the lies society gave to her
Trivialized her cries so much that she only sees breasts and thighs when she looks in the mirror
I fear her...

condition is irreversible...

She sees me as big brother/lover/friend/and surrogate father
trying to teach and mold her because her biological didn't bother
showing her that manhood is more than making babies, lusting for a merceedes and chasing women from her adolescent friends to much older ladies...

Because that's all she ever saw her father do...
So now she equates manhood to irresponsibility and lost family
Christmases
because instead of Toys 'R' US and KB...
Jack Daniels got all the money he blew...

The first time I tell her that I lover her...she cries...
Tears of joy and confusion fall from both eyes as she asks me why
i tell her, "The Most High gave me the divine right and duty to love you, show you...the right way. To hold you in my heart and love as if each day...was my last. i love you enough to help you grow into the future and forget your past. So if i'm ever not around and life beats you down and you forget sometimes that you're a queen deserving of the crown, I want you to understand that there's a man out there somewhere...who loves you..."

Diamonds all shinin'/Lookin all fly
Pretty lil' face/she get a lil' high
Young girl strugglin'/tryin' to survive
Mother of The Earth/she made you and I
Just tired of playin' the same ol' games
Messin' with my mind/emotional pain
And there goes a black girl lost...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

How I Feel About A Couple of Things...

It's been a while since I've posted. Mainly because I'm a workaholic. 60+ hours a week on average. (I got a shoe and Polo habit that needs to be fed...)

So...the following topics that I'll be discussing are simply a few lighthearted statements on a few issues that I intended to make serious posts about...read much of the following with cynicism and healthy doses of sarcasm.

Michelle Obama and Alpha Kappa Alpha

First of all, I would like to congratulate the ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha on 100 years of sisterhood.

Second of all, I would say that making the announcement that Michelle Obama has accepted an invitation of honorary membership was bad timing.

While running a campaign for the highest office in the land and the position as the most powerful political figure in the world, one must be careful to not be too polarizing and not give their opponent any fodder that would lend credence to their claims. The move by Mrs. Obama is both polarizing and potentially damaging in the world of Faux News and Soundbyte Politics.

Joining any organization with a social element at times creates feelings of animosty from both competitors and outsiders. Those who are competitors in this situation will be primarily unfazed. (In other words, black greeks will not jump on the "Straight Talk Express" just because Obama chose to be a K' instead of a "Red", ya dig?) However there are many, who are Obama supporters, that may be a bit turned off by Mrs. Obama choosing to join a traditionally black sorority due to an amazing lack of knowledge by others (read: white people and many non-interested black people) about black greek life. The effect of this will be minimal...possibly even a non-issue.

The problem therein lies with the propensity for such a decision by Mrs. Obama to be a victim of the Faux News/Soundbyte politricks machine. For the past few months, Right wingnuts have been trying their hardest to paint Senator Obama and his wife as terrorists and elitist. Even using a simple gesture of commonality, often referred to by us as a "pound" or "dap", as some sort of weird terrorist fist bump. How long will it be before Mrs. Obama's pinky is considered a jihadist signal? Soon a simple "Skee-Wee" will become an Al-Qaeda mating call for those sleeper cells hiding in America. None the less, it opens her up.

The biggest issue though is the aforementioned part about Faux News and Rushannity Coulter painting her and Senator Obama as elitist. Let's admit it...being a member of a black greek letter organization has long been associated with elitism and bourgeois culture. Elitist and bourgeois are not characteristics that could be considered desirable in the leader of the free world. Especially not in a candidate that could be considered a champion of the poor since he was an Ivy League Law Student.

(Et Al: I don't really care about how hard it is to become an honorary AKA...nor do I think Michelle OBama is an elitist. I just want her to think about the perception that it may cause and the unnecessary damage control that may have to be done post-initiation.)

Larry Langford

WTF....I mean seriously, WTF....

The Olympics in 2020? Negro Please....

Let's aim for something a little more doable like The BET Coonery Awards or the NAACP "Buried Word" Awards...

How about we aim for a murderless weekend first?

I mean seriously, I think the guy's energy and enthusiasm are great. I like many of his ideas. But when Mike Creel comes out and says, "We WILL get the Olympics in 2020" I have to question Mayor Langford's judgment...

We already know he can't balance a checkbook...

He testified to the SEC that his credit is in the toilet from buying suits and shoes from Gus Mayer...

3 Flags Over Bessemer...umm...I mean Visionland....wait, no....Alabama Adventure.....

'Nuff Said...

(BREAKING NEWS! Larry Langford has a Top Secret plan called the "Birmingham Survival Kit" that he's passing out to city business leaders in....a drawstring mini backpack? Of the Nike like variety?)

Gas Prices

Are Freakin' Ridiculous!!!!!

Drill ANWR! Drill Offshore! And still we have to wait 30 years for the effects....

Can somebody just start passing out gas cards instead of stimulus checks? I'm so sincere right now...

Dating....again....

You know what? I'm convinced that Birmingham is the place where single people come to get bitter. Seriously....

While women are busy blaming men, men are busy blaming women...somebody could be holding a conversation and getting to know one another...sans all the pretentiousness...

The Club Scene

Speaking of pretentiousness...I'm sick of the Birmingham club scene...You see the SAME people at EVERY function...buying drinks they probably can't afford to impress people they don't like in places that have worn thin on ambience and novelty...

Steel is the new Amani Raha.

Martini's is the new Platinum (Prior to $20 Cover "All You Can Fight" Night)

Elevation is the new Platinum....with better security (Post $20 Cover "All You Can Fight" Night)

Banana Joes was the new Smitty City/Birmingham Live

Don't get me wrong. I L-O-V-E Steel. (Shout out to Kobe) However, I tend to keep my visits short, sweet, and to the point. "Lemme get a Blue Moon. No Orange....no, don't start me a tab...I won't be here past 7:30"

Sprint...

F' em....

If I drop ONE MORE damn call while I'm trying to get to the money....I'm gonna shoot somebody.

Fin..

For Now...