In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying.
--Bertrand Russell
1 year ago around this time I was in the same situation. I was homeless, working, having car trouble, and woman trouble all at the same time. Finding yourself back in a situation that you thought was completely behind you is almost life-altering. It's is definitely growth restricting. However, this time it has been compounded by something vile and utterly unsettling.
Someone whom I love dearly has been hurt...
I have a HUMONGOUS heart, and when someone I love is hurt, it disables/cripples/destroys me. I'm finding myself sitting at this screen unable to focus. I want to make it right. I want somehow to make my friend get up out of that hospital bed and rewind time. Rewind time back to before everything happened to her and make it right again.
I'm pissed though. I'm pissed because the only person that could have hurt her in such a manner is probably sitting next to her right now. He's sweating, jittery. Looking for someone to shift te blame to. Looking for someone to pin this thing on. Pointing fingers, smiling nervously in a feeble attempt to be strong. In the face of jail time and ridicule, he's looking for a sacrificial lamb.
He called me. Asking me questions like he is an authority figure. Giving simple answers, even simpler smart comments. I'm pissed. He kinda tried me. Don't want to let my roots come out. Don't want to let my Ensley show. I left that shit behind....
Questions coming rapidly
"What you wanna do baby brother?"
"I don't wanna do nothing man, I just want to make sure she's ok."
"You know where that nigga at?"
"Yeah"
"Let's find him then."
"For what man? He ain't really got gully with me or anything. You know?"
"I just wanna see what that nigga knows. That's my girl too ya know?"
"Yeah, I dig. I'll be in Tuscaloosa in the morning."
"Aight....Peace Chad."
"Peace."
Breathing in ragged, heavy breaths. Walking with slow heavy steps. Violence flashes through my mind. Ideas of just swinging against whatever this demon is that has enslaved her for the moment. "Bring back my friend you bastard! Let her go!" I want to fight for her. I want the recesses of her mind to help her fight. I want her to be ok. Tears flow freely now. Why can't I cry? I can't believe this. Things like this shouldn't happen to people like that. Sometimes Life sucks. Other times...it's a dream. This is a nightmare. A burden none should have to bare sits on the back of one who's heart is big enough to care. I don't understand. My understanding is limited.
God please forgive us for our sins. Those committed knowingly and unknowingly. God, protect and keep my friend in her hour of need. Please God let your grace and mercy rain down on her right now and protect her. Bless her soul, heart and mind Father. Allow her to come through this unscathed Lord. Only you have the power to truly fix this. Man is limited in his technology and medicines. Only you can heal the broken mind and soul of my friend Lord. Save her. Make her whole again. Bring back that smile, that intelligence, that warmth that only you could have given her Lord. Bless her Father. Bless her sister right now. Father, give her sister the strength to make it through this God. She needs you now more than ever Father. Only you can fix this Lord. We come to you humbly Father. Prone. Face down asking that you bless her and bestow the fullest power of your grace and mercy upon her Lord. Please Lord. Please, just make her right again. Make her whole again. In JESUS name we pray. AMEN
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