Purposefull

Seeing yourself through the eyes of God is difficult
So more often than not we choose to busy ourselves with matters miniscule
In the hopd that somehow they will make us matter as an individual
Hoping for something that will make life feel a little more full

Material aims and personal gains have our prayers locked in chains
Sinking in the sea of vain repetition and ill advised requests for his healing rain
Our brains fathom only that which is tangible at times
So we ignore what He wants for us simply because its not right before our eyes.

If we see as He sees then our needs will He meet so we can cease to repeat the cycle of self-defeat
That we've chosen to trap ourselves in

If our palms press together for more than just handshakes and friction
Then maybe we can learn to listen
Understand our mission
And begin walking according to the scriptures spoken in His perfect diction
We can begin living in facts
As opposed to chasing fiction

Your purpose is more than a paycheck, a Rolex, or a Bentley
It's the divine right and gift that God gave you to live life and have it more abundantly
So while your actions and deeds have purpose and we should do them with fervor and energy
While you're working for a certain purpose, ask yourself are you existing and just desiring to be? Or are you standing on God's promises, and seekingdoingfighting to living life purposefully?

Brunch...and The Night Before...

"I started on your poem last night...but I fell asleep with a pen in my hand"
She smiled
I did so reciprocally...
Wondering could she...
Possibly see how I really felt about her...

At 2 a.m. I told her that I thought she was simply wonderful
I pray the she will one day understand why I say such things, but my eyes see differently than hers...
My mind's a little different from hers
So hopefully poetry speaks louder than words...

She sees we in the same vein of struggle against life's circumstances...
Our knees press to carpet simultaneously praying for second chances...
Now we sit here in this urban semi-chic restaurant away from our friend's curious glances...
Talking about dreams deferred and how she once dreamed of performing dances...for the entire world to see...

Sitting in the back of an Explorer with the company of John Legend and the stars we spoke of frustration...
Dreams becoming obsolete like Atari 2600's and Playstations we tried to find joy in our 80's baby experiences to be related...
As she slipped into the comfortable crook of my outstretched arm to tell me goodbye I wondered why she had been dealt a hand so similar to mine...
I know that mine is a punishment...hers a learning experience...mine a consequence...hers an exercise in perseverance...

I see...a future mother, wife, and friend for a wonderful man. A picture of success. The true example of health.

At brunch I looked through the panes of her soul to see the pain in her heart as she spoke of getting out of her small country town...

Her gaze intensifies when she speaks of the blows of life that have bruised her mind...

I see peace when she speaks of the future...

Take care of your dreams...they have become your passion...follow them and they will sustain you...

Post Thanksgiving Thoughts from SE7EN...

The world I know
Is a world much too slow
(If you) Don't move fast enough...keep your head low

-Esthero on the song "Country Livin'"

First of All...I love that song.

Secondly, this is going to be a little different from some of my previous posts of prose...this one is me getting back to the original roots of this blog. That is, my candid thoughts and transparency...in terms of what I think, and essentially, how I think.

Now...On to the blogging...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm thankful for the God Given gift of true friendship. It occasionally takes the world to crumble around you to see who is exactly down for you and who is there when it's convenient. What I've realized is that I'm truly loved by a few people in this world. I thank God for their love, their kind words, their understanding, their companionship, the smiles they bring to my face and the joy they bring to my life. Dealing with some of the things that I've had to handle over the past 2 or 3 years...I honestly should, and could have been many times, completely and utterly destitute and probably insane.

Sometimes...I, like many people, go through things in my life that tend to require a lot of thought and introspection. Occasionally, as has been the case for the past couple of months...even years for some things, these matters require a VAST amount of time and thought. In these times...I tend to become very introverted and anti-social. You may see me...but I don't make phone calls, I may not return text messages, and I'm not as connected as I would normally be. Many people understand that...those are my true friends. Those who choose to simply...brush me aside...just don't understand me. That's not a bad thing...I'm failry complicated and hard to understand at times...My introspection and closed disposition does not mean that I don't care about you or love you. It's just how I deal with things. All I ask for is time and understanding...not a pound of flesh or an expectation of empathy. Some of the things I've been through you can't empathize with...you've never been there.

The loss of people close to me. The violence that surrounded me at one point. The anger I've harbored. The destructive tendencies I embraced as a result. The lies. The deceit. The setbacks. The trials. The tribulations. All have served to make me a stronger man...

I found that God had a few guardian angels watching out for me from time to time. Their prayers lifted me to his hands when I was too broken, hurt, and (more often than not) ashamed to pray for myself.

It's funny that throughout it all...the same people who I knew were down for me from day one STAYED DOWN for me...some people...just disappeared...

The test of true friendship is not measured in laughs, smiles, and enjoyment in times of jubilation, but rather in times of tribulation. Can you find yourself next to me as I'm falling...smiling and trying to make me do such...or would you rather watch me fall?

Some people enjoy watching train wrecks in slow motion...others...try to save the train by helping it switch tracks....thank God for great passengers who wake the conductor up when he falls asleep at the wheel.

So, for those that have helped me....I thank you...whether it was a kind text message, a good laugh, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on...I truly am thankful.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yey
Why, why, why, why, why, why, why
Why, Why, heh
They've got so much things to say right now
They've got so much things to say
They've got so much things to say right now
They've got so much things to say
I'll never forget no way, how they crucified Jesus Christ
I'll never forget no way, how they sold Marcus Garvey for rice
I'll never forget no way, how they turned their back on Paul Bogle
So don't you forget no way...
Who you are, and where you stand in the struggle
They've got so much things to say right now
They've got so much things to say
They've got so very many things, to say right now
They've got so much things to say
I'n'I nah come to fight flesh and blood
But spiritual wickedness in high and low places
And though you fight me down
I'll stand firm, and give Jah all the thanks and praises
I don't expect to be justified, by these laws of men
Though the we can find me guilty, Jah will proove my innocency
'cause when the rain falls, it don't, fall on one man's house top
Remember that
See when this rain falls, it don't, fall on one man's house top
They've got so much things to say right now
They've got so much, so much things to say
They've got, heh, so much things to say right now
They've got so, so much things to say
But let them keep talking, oh let them keep talking
'cause non of them walking, oh non of them walking, no
And while they still talking, see I'ma be walking
I'ma be walking, so let them keep talking
Said I never forget no way, how they crucified Jesus Christ
And I, I'll never forget, how they sold Marcus Garvey for rice
Said I, never forget, how they turned their backs on Paul Bogle
So non of you, non of you forget...
Who you are, and where you stand in the struggle
'cause when this rain, 'cause when this rain, rain, rain, rain, rain falls
It don't fall on one man's house, I'm telling you the rain...
I'm telling you the rain, rain, rain, rain, rain don't fall
It don't fall... they...
They've got, they've got, so many very things to say about me
I'm telling you: lie
They, and they, and they will have so many things
They'll have so many things to say about you... to say about you
'cause they don't know me, know me
They don't know me, oh they don't know me, oh they don't know me
Oh they don't know me well
They, they, they, they, they, they, they don't know my Father
'cause if they did, if they did... hey ey... theeey... heh..


-Lauryn Hill's "They've Got So Much Things to Say"

Lauryn said it better than I ever could.

I'm learning to win...I'm learning each rung of the ladder of success so that I may pull others with me...to quote Jay-Z, "If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is wack/Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black..."

That's exactly what I'm doing to some people. I can no longer afford ANY negativity in my life. The Bible often speaks of being pruned...well...I'm being chastened and pruned at the same time....Now THAT'S an experience for ya! I'll be sure to keep you posted on how that goes.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

"I'm just a soul
Who's intentions are good
Oh Lord, Please don't let me be misunderstood...

-Nina Simone's "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood"

Ok...Long, before Kanye sampled this for Common and (someone insert producer name here) sampled it for Wayne's diatribe about the American Gov't, Sex Offenders, and Al Sharpton (of all people...)

This was one of my favorite songs...

I pray that I'm not misunderstood in my actions by some close to me. I know I've hurt some people, and for that I deeply apologize. Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm always well intentioned when it comes to my actions and decision making. Sometimes, things don't work out that way and between my...weirdness, complicated way of viewing life, and the random everyday stuff that happens to me, I can get sidetracked and shift priorities...

So, for any of the people that I care about that I've hurt....I'm truly sorry and will try my HARDEST to atone for my actions.

If you have to ask yourself whether I care about you....well....you may wanna just ask me...mmmkay?

Don't speculate before you informate....yeah, like Weezy F. Baby said. BTW, is "informate" a word? I should've "spec'd" before I checked? OR is it the other way around...Ok...yeah.

Feel free to comment. I'm sure some of you have VERY interesting things to say right now....


BTW, Go pick up Foreign Exchange's "Leave it All Behind" That's some DAMN GOOD MUSIC!

Untitled...

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At home bored?

Post random stuff to your blog from Youtube!!!!

Goodie Mob feat. Esthero - Country Livin' (The World I Know)

I heard Esthero's solo version first....then I found this....Beautiful imagery....



Classic...

Goodie Mob...Soul Food...



Man....I'm SO GLAD I was born in the South...despite the B.S. and Racism...

Outkast and Cee-Lo...In Due Time...My theme Song...



One of the Greatest Posse Tracks of ALL TIME!



Not a video...but the song speaks for itself...



The Heirs to Outkast's and Goodie Mob's Throne...Little Brother...



One more from LB...one of my favortie tracks of all time....

These Words...

MY words are my sanity/
See/Some rappers spit for vanity/
I spit only for clarity/Occasionally for the family/
Trying to find common ground in a land not meant for me/
The microphone is like a metronome/
My pen...a simple passion...
My Notebook is my therapist/
I'm praying that it keeps hearing this/
Because the fact of the matter is/
My way of living is reckless/
Borderline negligent/
But I guarantee you that my words are heaven sent/
'Cause I swear to you I couldn't write this...

I tend to write on my knees/
Because this is my communion/
With words/HE's blessed me/
He has KEPT me/
Through hard times and tibulation/
Yet and still I do things to constantly violate HIM/

These words kept me from suicide/
At times helped me to survive/
Gave me a new mind/
Showed me a new grind/
My ability to express myself lyrically/
Tends to humble me/
In a word filled with sin and greed/
It keeps me steady focusing/
On my task at hand/
Hoping to reach just one man or/
Wo-man and show them I understand/

Though it's a cliche/
Pain is only temporary/
Pride is forever/
So I use these words to keep my life together/
To keep me going forever/
Immortality through literary presence/
Divine Inspiration is the prerequisite/

To Be Continued...

Maybe I'll Be Back One Day...

I put my faith on ice because I didn’t have any dangling from my wrist or hanging from my neck/

The chains I savored were holding me back as my materialism slowly creeped into the recesses of my psyche in an attempt to lock me into a cycle of pain, poverty, and pleasure driven past times…like hustling

A hard day’s work is noble, but a hard day hustling gets you over/Keeps you floating/makes you vulnerable...

To the traps of life and black manhood/Police/Prison/and the pain of finding yourself in a situation you never wanted to be in or believe in...so you spend thousands of hours reminiscing on days gone by and innocence lost...grieving....

This is the path I've chosen/It seems as though even though I hold a college degree/D'Evils of my peer pressure influenced past consume me...forgive the reference to Jay-Z/I'm just dealing with a lot of Reasonable Doubt right now/I'm doubting my reasons for believing and my chances of achieving the the dreams that seemed so guaranteed when I was a young boy/Now I'm a grown man whose dreams and path of unsteady unrighteousness have made him paranoid...

All I really want to do is breathe...

Live a little bit...

Grasp that little bit of life...and love...because the pursuit of happiness is simply superficial when the only power you can relate to is that gained from behind a pistol...the only love you seem to see is that overt outpouring of emotion at a funeral...or the harsh realization that only the triviality of life seems to be undisputable...

Nowadays I tend to pray on the highway because i makes me feel like my life is actually going somewhere...I talk to God conversationally because it makes me feel like I'm taking a closer walk with thee...Yet when my feet hit the ground...so does my faith...it gets replaced with a demeanor described only as callous...an expression of contempt and malice for all things that do not benefit me...a selfishness that stretches my psyche...and a lust for confrontation that could only threatens to destroy me...God help me...

I realized that running from my past would only serve to make me weaker...so I dived headfirst in it only to realize that I was not confronting it...it was confronting me...drawing me back into the man that I had fought so hard not to be...Now...I fear I know nothing but him...

Sorry Mama...your little boy is gone forever...the man you knew is too...

I'm still existing...but the fire that was once in my eyes has gone from almost white with voracity to a mind numbing green of bitter blasphemy...

Maybe I'll be back one day...

Untitled...

I remember tying to atone for the things in my past by trying to be a better human being/

Now I'm seeing the fruits of my labor are nothing more than covering up the carnal cravings I savor with flavors of the bland kind/

Steadily tiptoeing through life like my future is filled with landmines/

Wondering where I'm...going/

My past cant be changed/

My future can be rearranged and my present is nothing more than the fleeting feeling of chains/

Being broken that is...

Rather than hoping with fear/

I'm living with fire/

Because I'm trying keep going forward, love life, and inspire/

A whole new generatioN NIGGAS like me...

YES, I said "NIGGAS" like me...

Never Ignorant, Getting Goals Accomplished Steadily, like Tupac said...

Maybe you should look a little higher if the last line went over your head.

I once drowned myself in the sorrows of what I once wanted to be my forever/

Now I bend paperclips back over my dreams to keep my life together/

In my notebook/

I dog-ear these pages in an attempt to remember my innocence/

So that my life can stop being a reconciliation of intelligence and ignorance/

That's generally called cognitive dissonance...

I used to fight for freedom and now that I have it/

I'm helping others grab it/

There's nothing like seeing yourself for the first time/

Through your own eyes/

Then you realize that these cats who tried to give you real lies/

In an attempt to make you realize their/

Disconnected reality/

Was just another part of the devil's plan to trap you in this thing that they call "Insanity"/

While the whole time God just wanted you to ask that he/

Take...the burden...off....your shoulders...

Others' expectations are not your own/

So when you feel alone/

Unable to move on/

Or just damn through with the world...

Remember...that God...is love.

24 Hours to Live....

"I want you/ 'cause you make my heart skip the beat that I drum to/
I want to be the one you run to/when pain confronts you
You're everything/sometimes I get nervous when I'm in front of you
You can hear it in my voice when I ask you if you comfortable/
Look how love do/I'd practice the Art of War for you like Sun Tzu
Come through and arouse you every morning like the sun do
If you blackout and collapse I want to help you to come to
Notice I haven't yet got into what I want from you
I want you to come too when I come through and make you shine like the sun do
I want you to be the valley for my river to run through
Your everything/send your soul through your lips to my heart
Sweet music will start/I want you to be the muse of my art
When people try to rip us apart/we got to work to stay together
Go through the seasons of love and never change with the weather
This is my wish list/what I want/not what I need/there's a difference
These days I'm learning that words got power so I'ma be specific..."

Talib Kweli on "Talk To You" from the Quality LP

If I had 24 hours to live...I would give up my eternity to spend it with you...
Every breath I take that day would be witnessed and shared with you...
You...

The muse I refuse to stop writing about...

The love I refuse to stop crying about...

Tears of joy...makee trails down my heart...

Cleansing it of all impurities/Proving...that you're all I'll ever need...
The peace of God resides with me presently...
Whenever you're in my presence...I feel joy will be here for me eternally...

But I only have 24 hours to live...

And I want to spend every 1,440 minutes in your arms...
Every 86,400 seconds should be filled with your touch...
Every blinkinhalationexhalationthought wrapped up in you...

My dying words...would be unheard...
But my smile...would be worth a million words...

23 hours and 59 minutes pass...and all I've known is love...

Now...since God has chosen to grant me one more day...

Can we share it?

Forever...

Forgetting my place...

Y'all niggas deal with emotions like b*tches
What's sad is I love you 'cause you're my brother
You traded your soul for riches
My child, I've watched you grow up to be famous
And now I smile like a proud dad, watching his only son that made it

-Nas from "Ether" off his Stillmatic LP

I gave you a place to rest your head...
Fed you when you were hungry...
Comfort when you were broken...
Peace when you were dying inside...

Now all I hear from you is lies and inconsistencies
These unfortunate portions of your soul that chose to bare themselves to me...
On the eve of my breakthrough...
I take it you...
Are feeling yourself...

Worse than death, betrayal is hell...
A heart too big to dwell inside this fleshly shell and fragile frame
I gave you love, identity, and a new name...
I christened you "the one who would be first"
I lifted you when even family would rather see you in dirt...
I selflessly gave you footing...
Now I helplessly stand here weeping...on the inside

My tears dried in my heart and left the residue of a friendship...
Scratch that...
A Kinship...
A bond that knew no boundaries...or so I thought...
Now I want to take back all of the travailing truths that I bought...

For us...

Standing in the gap for you made me stronger....

DAMN...

I wish strength didn't hurt so much...

A Letter to The One I Was Choosing...

Dear (Name Deleted),

I know you have issues. I do too. I know you aren't trying to "jump" into a relationship. I'm not either. I know you want to "take it slow." I do too.

Don't take my kindness and understanding for a form of weakness though. That's a fatal mistake...

Correction: That WAS your fatal mistake...

I'm done with this...

Period...

No more calling me at 2 a.m. with eyes full of tears and fear enveloping your heart. No more drinks. No more meals. No more random texts during the day just to let you know that I'm thinking about you and respect you.

I'm done...

You have disrespected me and tried me for the last time...

So when you wake up and realize that I'm a GOOD guy...it'll probably be too late.

I'm moving on...

No more putting others on hold simply because I'm trying to direct our ship onto a positive course. You OFFICIALLY have taken the wind out of my sails.

I don't mind being your friend...

I think you're talented, intelligent, and VERY attractive...

Can't trust every pretty smile though...

I'll be glad to talk to you...between 9 and 5 Monday through Friday and 10-4 on Saturday.

I won't be inviting you to church anymore...

That is all.

Sincerely,
SE7EN...

10 Years Removed...

Now Suzy Skrew had a partna named Sasha (Sasha), Thumper (Thumper)
I remember her number like the summer
when her and Suzy yeah they threw a slumber - - party
but you can not call it that cause it was slummer
Well it was more like spend the night
Three in the morning yawnin dancin under street lights
We chillin like a villain and a nigga feelin right
in the middle of the ghetto on the curb, but in spite
all of the bullshit we on our back starin at the stars above
(aww man) Talkin bout what we gonna be when we grow up
I said what you wanna be, she said, "Alive" (hmm)
It made me think for a minute, then looked in her eyes
I coulda died, time went on, I got grown
Rhyme got strong, mind got blown, I came back home
to find lil Sasha was gone
Her mamma said she with a nigga that be treatin her wrong
I kept on singin my song and hopin at a show
that I would one day see her standin in the front row
But two weeks later she got found in the back of a school
With a needle in her arm, baby two months due, Sasha Thumper

-Andre 3000 from Outkast on the song "Da Art of Storytellin (Part 1)" from the Aquemini album

At the age of 15 I was living in a dream state
Life hadn't yet simply shaken me awake
i thought we would last until....forever ended
Bended backwards over thoughts of upright notions
Hoping that these emotions wouldn't leave me broken
But you left me...
For those who weren't like me...
Spitefully held on to the animosity...
Brought on by the absence of my best friend...

Unparalleled you were
Not I woman I've met since had beauty compared to hers
i saw you as a deity...
far be it from me to put many on a pedestal
i only wanted you to see you like i saw you...

i remember the first time i saw you...
live enough to rock penny loafers and an updo
coworker turned friend
transformed/youbecamea GODsend
created to show me how to be a real man...

i remember our first conversation...
your admission of self esteem issues shocked me...
i had the same problem too...
you...unlike me...were absolutely physically beautiful...
i was only "cute", "attractive", or another one of those names you call someone "un-ugly"
you were...an angel...

i remember our conversations on the future...
you wanted to go to UA...
i wanted to go to Morehouse...
i ended up at UA...
partially praying that you had chosen the same path...
although at that point we hadn't spoken in years...

my anger has subsided...
my heart is still crying...
i never understood why you threw me away...
we're two different people now...
and i'm a 25 year old man still insanely seeking closure...
in a lot of my past...

sometimes you never let go of the first person to understand you...

the last time we saw one another...
i was ecstatic...
you were working on my campus...
i was hurting on my campus...
you healed a small part of me...
yet there's still a small part of me...
that's leaving the light on for you...

i saw pictures of you recently...
and prayed...
fervently...
that wherever you were...
you were happier...
than i proclaim to be...

10 years later....

is it wrong for me to still love you...

i don't think so....

Black Girl Lost Redux...

Diamonds all shinin'/Lookin all fly
Pretty lil' face/she get a lil' high
Young girl strugglin'/tryin' to survive
Mother of The Earth/she made you and I
Just tired of playin' the same ol' games
Messin' with my mind/emotional pain
And there goes a black girl lost...

The first time i saw behind her eyes i saw
generational lies
that had been told to her
A part of me simply wanted to mold her
Open these arms and hold her
Because the world had been so cold to her

Behind the equatorial lines on her forehead
was a dreamer
And since my mind's eye has been blessed
with sight a little keener
i knew what those dreams were

She wanted to be directed by HIM
Unaffected by them
And to no longer the object of misdirected affection
of any man that would refer to her as "slim", "shawty", or "redbone
Because for so long she had been trapped inside these ephemisms and pet names
that the process of self degradation and defacement had reached a cataclysmic point inside her brain...
Then we got the nerve to ask, "What's in a name?"

How about an identity...

I listen to her tell me about being raped at age 12
A home life resembling hell and how her image of a fair God fell
My chest swells as tears well up in my eyes
And I think about the lies society gave to her
Trivialized her cries so much that she only sees breasts and thighs when she looks in the mirror
I fear her...

condition is irreversible...

She sees me as big brother/lover/friend/and surrogate father
trying to teach and mold her because her biological didn't bother
showing her that manhood is more than making babies, lusting for a merceedes and chasing women from her adolescent friends to much older ladies...

Because that's all she ever saw her father do...
So now she equates manhood to irresponsibility and lost family
Christmases
because instead of Toys 'R' US and KB...
Jack Daniels got all the money he blew...

The first time I tell her that I lover her...she cries...
Tears of joy and confusion fall from both eyes as she asks me why
i tell her, "The Most High gave me the divine right and duty to love you, show you...the right way. To hold you in my heart and love as if each day...was my last. i love you enough to help you grow into the future and forget your past. So if i'm ever not around and life beats you down and you forget sometimes that you're a queen deserving of the crown, I want you to understand that there's a man out there somewhere...who loves you..."

Diamonds all shinin'/Lookin all fly
Pretty lil' face/she get a lil' high
Young girl strugglin'/tryin' to survive
Mother of The Earth/she made you and I
Just tired of playin' the same ol' games
Messin' with my mind/emotional pain
And there goes a black girl lost...

How I Feel About A Couple of Things...

It's been a while since I've posted. Mainly because I'm a workaholic. 60+ hours a week on average. (I got a shoe and Polo habit that needs to be fed...)

So...the following topics that I'll be discussing are simply a few lighthearted statements on a few issues that I intended to make serious posts about...read much of the following with cynicism and healthy doses of sarcasm.

Michelle Obama and Alpha Kappa Alpha

First of all, I would like to congratulate the ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha on 100 years of sisterhood.

Second of all, I would say that making the announcement that Michelle Obama has accepted an invitation of honorary membership was bad timing.

While running a campaign for the highest office in the land and the position as the most powerful political figure in the world, one must be careful to not be too polarizing and not give their opponent any fodder that would lend credence to their claims. The move by Mrs. Obama is both polarizing and potentially damaging in the world of Faux News and Soundbyte Politics.

Joining any organization with a social element at times creates feelings of animosty from both competitors and outsiders. Those who are competitors in this situation will be primarily unfazed. (In other words, black greeks will not jump on the "Straight Talk Express" just because Obama chose to be a K' instead of a "Red", ya dig?) However there are many, who are Obama supporters, that may be a bit turned off by Mrs. Obama choosing to join a traditionally black sorority due to an amazing lack of knowledge by others (read: white people and many non-interested black people) about black greek life. The effect of this will be minimal...possibly even a non-issue.

The problem therein lies with the propensity for such a decision by Mrs. Obama to be a victim of the Faux News/Soundbyte politricks machine. For the past few months, Right wingnuts have been trying their hardest to paint Senator Obama and his wife as terrorists and elitist. Even using a simple gesture of commonality, often referred to by us as a "pound" or "dap", as some sort of weird terrorist fist bump. How long will it be before Mrs. Obama's pinky is considered a jihadist signal? Soon a simple "Skee-Wee" will become an Al-Qaeda mating call for those sleeper cells hiding in America. None the less, it opens her up.

The biggest issue though is the aforementioned part about Faux News and Rushannity Coulter painting her and Senator Obama as elitist. Let's admit it...being a member of a black greek letter organization has long been associated with elitism and bourgeois culture. Elitist and bourgeois are not characteristics that could be considered desirable in the leader of the free world. Especially not in a candidate that could be considered a champion of the poor since he was an Ivy League Law Student.

(Et Al: I don't really care about how hard it is to become an honorary AKA...nor do I think Michelle OBama is an elitist. I just want her to think about the perception that it may cause and the unnecessary damage control that may have to be done post-initiation.)

Larry Langford

WTF....I mean seriously, WTF....

The Olympics in 2020? Negro Please....

Let's aim for something a little more doable like The BET Coonery Awards or the NAACP "Buried Word" Awards...

How about we aim for a murderless weekend first?

I mean seriously, I think the guy's energy and enthusiasm are great. I like many of his ideas. But when Mike Creel comes out and says, "We WILL get the Olympics in 2020" I have to question Mayor Langford's judgment...

We already know he can't balance a checkbook...

He testified to the SEC that his credit is in the toilet from buying suits and shoes from Gus Mayer...

3 Flags Over Bessemer...umm...I mean Visionland....wait, no....Alabama Adventure.....

'Nuff Said...

(BREAKING NEWS! Larry Langford has a Top Secret plan called the "Birmingham Survival Kit" that he's passing out to city business leaders in....a drawstring mini backpack? Of the Nike like variety?)

Gas Prices

Are Freakin' Ridiculous!!!!!

Drill ANWR! Drill Offshore! And still we have to wait 30 years for the effects....

Can somebody just start passing out gas cards instead of stimulus checks? I'm so sincere right now...

Dating....again....

You know what? I'm convinced that Birmingham is the place where single people come to get bitter. Seriously....

While women are busy blaming men, men are busy blaming women...somebody could be holding a conversation and getting to know one another...sans all the pretentiousness...

The Club Scene

Speaking of pretentiousness...I'm sick of the Birmingham club scene...You see the SAME people at EVERY function...buying drinks they probably can't afford to impress people they don't like in places that have worn thin on ambience and novelty...

Steel is the new Amani Raha.

Martini's is the new Platinum (Prior to $20 Cover "All You Can Fight" Night)

Elevation is the new Platinum....with better security (Post $20 Cover "All You Can Fight" Night)

Banana Joes was the new Smitty City/Birmingham Live

Don't get me wrong. I L-O-V-E Steel. (Shout out to Kobe) However, I tend to keep my visits short, sweet, and to the point. "Lemme get a Blue Moon. No Orange....no, don't start me a tab...I won't be here past 7:30"

Sprint...

F' em....

If I drop ONE MORE damn call while I'm trying to get to the money....I'm gonna shoot somebody.

Fin..

For Now...

Re:Will Racism Ever End?

This is in response to a note by Mr. Parker...

First of all, Mr. Parker, I'd like to say that I appreciate the thought and insight that clearly goes into your notes. They are thought provoking and interesting.

In response to the question posed by your note, "Will Racism Ever End," I would have to say that my knee-jerk reaction is "No." At least not in our lifetime...maybe in the lifetime of our offspring. Let me tell you why...

Racism often stems from two things, ignorance and a sense of victimization (which is undoubtedly coupled with a sense of entitlement. )

Ignorance comes into play more often than we tend to acknowledge...

When white people crack the offensive jokes about our hair, features, African American Vernacular English, and other things it stems from ignorance. Since, more often than not, they haven't experienced black culture, nor do they know more than their few token black friends they (just like all of us) tend to refer back to stereotypes and pop-culture imagery to help them form their opinion. This "ignorance fueled" racism, I tend to see as racism of the "low brow" variety...

Grandfather clauses, Good Ol' Boy networks, Ivory Towers, Glass Ceilings, and the logically flawed arguments against minority equality programs are a combination of the two reasons for racism.

They are ignorant because they assume that blackness exists in a vacuum. It is as if the, as Condoleeza Rice said, "birth defect" of having skin blessed with melanin makes us incompetent and incapable in their eyes. They believe that we are all the same....except for those that are a "credit to our race"....you can't believe how many times I've been called "one of the good ones"....

It also points directly to a sense of entitlement because HISTORICALLY the only demographic that has ever mattered in America has been the white male landowner...

The sense of victimization comes into play because they feel as though minority quotas and equality programs are taking positions, jobs, and whatever else from qualified white males....let's not go there right now.

The sense of victimization basis for racism is often seen in middle class to lower class individuals who feel as though they have been pushed away from their birthright of success and a slice of the American pie by all these "G*ddamn foreigners," "F*ckin Mexicans," and "Stupid Ni&&ers!" (Taken from an actual quote I heard once...)

They are the ones who are easily mislead by various forms of propaganda and are most likely to revert back to stereotypes to explain their frustration with people of a different hue...

The man who displayed his ignorance with you, Mr. Parker, felt victimized...because you had invaded what he felt as though was his "personal" place...his Birmingham version of "Cheers"...(which had no black people that I can remember)

I think we are FINALLY on the road to healing...rather than the appeasement that has been going on for the past 40+ years. Senator Obama has a lot to do with that...

Racist attitudes on BOTH sides are coming out more and more....Only by honest examination can we eradicate the plagues that have stricken this country known as racism and prejudice...

I'm done...

Racism in America....

Check out the url below AFTER you read the post...

http://sandrarose.com/2008/06/05/the-assassination-of-barack-obama-freedom-of-expression-or-racism/#more-1362

In America we have this wonderful thing called the 1st Amendment...

As a blogger, journalist and poet by calling, and "jerk-in-residence" at an institution of higher learning right now, I use the right to freedom of speech guaranteed by that amendment to the fullest...

Through freedom of speech we are guaranteed the right to freely express ourselves regardless of the medium...

However, there are certain fundamental things that you must understand about freedom of speech....

There are three types of speech that are not protected...

One is slander/libel...

The other is Hate Speech/"Fighting Words"...

I fully understand that the use of such speech would possibly get me arrested, reprimanded, and I could very well become the defendant in a lawsuit...

With that being said, I'm going to need people to understand that the use of NOOSES directed at a black person (Whether they are Joe Schmoe on the street or, like in this case, Senator Barack Obama) it is HATE SPEECH and should have no expectations of protection.

Calling Senator Obama's daughters "Nappy Headed Hoes" is not unprotected...but it is most definitely outside the boundaries of good taste...

Why does it seem that the racial division of this country is a festering sore...rather than a healing wound?

I don't really understand right now...

My Take on the Obama Nomination...

I woke up Wednesday morning proud...

I was proud that the man I had believed in from day one had become the first black Presidential nominee from a major party in American history...

I was proud that the politics of fear, straw man arguments, and misdirection failed...

I was proud that all the battles I had with Republicans, Conservatives, and Clinton supporters had been ultimately justified...

I was proud that Senator Obama was resilient enough to stand strong and never lose focus of what was truly important....offering a change from the typical "pay for play" politics that have plagued this country for decades...

I was proud of Hilary...for standing strong and fighting...

I was proud that I lived in an America where the majority of citizens no longer saw white flesh and a "Y Chromosome" as a prerequisite for leadership...

In his speech on Tuesday night, Senator Obama said:
" There are those who say that this primary has somehow left us weaker and more divided. Well I say that because of this primary, there are millions of Americans who have cast their ballot for the very first time. There are independents and Republicans who understand that this election isn't just about the party in charge of Washington, it's about the need to change Washington. There are young people, and African Americans, and Latinos, and women of all ages who have voted in numbers that have broken records and inspired a nation.

All of you chose to support a candidate you believe in deeply. But at the end of the day, we aren't the reason you came out and waited in lines that stretched block after block to make your voice heard. You didn't do that because of me or Senator Clinton or anyone else. You did it because you know in your hearts that at this moment—a moment that will define a generation—we cannot afford to keep doing what we've been doing. We owe our children a better future. We owe our country a better future. And for all those who dream of that future tonight, I say—let us begin the work together. Let us unite in common effort to chart a new course for America..."

My generation has been and will be defined by the leadership of a man that could have very well been one of our parents, Senator Barack Obama...

I have shouted for years...well, at least since I had the mind to actually pick up a book on politics, that America has needed new blood at the helm. Someone untainted by the moral rigor mortis that has been typical of our leadership for the past few decades, someone who does not seeing politics as a cushy job but rather a calling, a leader who cares for the people who give him power rather than the corporations who usurp that power daily...

Truth be told...I just wanted someone to look up to.

Is it too much to ask to turn on the TV and see someone who I can honestly say that I would like to be like? That understands me, my struggle, and the intellectual burden that lays heavy on me (and has crushed many of my peers) as a member of Dubois' Talented Tenth...

I would be less than an intelligent man if I didn't say that before I became an Obama supporter...I researched his platforms, focuses, and ideas. I looked at them objecively and found that my views matched up with his. I read his book, read his speeches, and listened to his platforms....and found myself working to get out the vote for Senator Obama.

Amusingly enough, for my support...I have received a lot of flack from my fellow Alabamians...

I've been called EVERYTHING under the sun...

While they play what I like to call the "Politics of the Soundbite"

This election reminds me of a Langston Hughes poem that I fell in love with as a child..."I, Too, Sing America"

"I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America..."

Young America....we are now at the table....and I am proud....

For the first time in my adult life....I can say I'm proud to be an American....

And I DON'T take it back...

What is Friendship?

I
I'd like to ask a question...

I swear it will only take a second...

What is Friendship?

I often wonder what constitutes a true friendship?

Is it the stripes of suffering that two people bare together?

Or is it a fleeting journey that people determine their level of dedication to based on the weather?

Seriously, I've got to know...

I bought a ticket for some sort of support, but now I'd like to get off the boat...

This friend ship seems to be destined to go the way of the Titanic...

Sinking quickly after outlandish assertions/

my conversion from a true believer/to a discerner of deceivers happened somewhere along the beginning of this ride

Two souls kept afloat on a friendship floating over a sea of lies...


II
Maybe people just change...

Maybe the fact that I haven't is a sign of immaturity...

Maybe the fact that I refuse is a sign of loyalty...

What's maturity in a friendship anyway?

I just want somebody to laugh with/study universal math with...

Start up a business and possibly split the cash with?

Is that too much to ask in...

This preapocalypticneosoulheartlessmindless world?

I guess so...

Can I get a refund for my ride on the "friend ship"?

I damn sure need one...

III

I've always been told that you can't pick your family...

Yes you can...

I swear to it...

I stand by it...

I believe it...

I've seen it...

I've got a few brothers and sisters...

A boat load of cousins...

An ex-girlfriend or two...

A lost love running around...

And a heart capable of holding them all...

Should I free them from the obligations of this journey?

Probably...

Many jumped off themselves...

Wo/Man overboard...

No shouting...

No rescue effort...

No life preserver...

Just man...

And Nature...

The Tragedy That is the Sean Bell Saga...

1 black male dead...
2 daughters without a father...
3 police officers accquited...
4 grandparents mourn...

1 judge...
2 fellow victims...
3 sides to the story...
4 weeks of testimony (28 days)...

It still doesn't add up to me...

Detective Marc Oliver fires 31 shots into an occupied vehicle and walks away a free man...

There was no weapon found in Sean Bell's car or in any of the other victims possession...

The officers did not identify themselves as police officers...

50 shots....


Can you blame me for being angry right now? I'm a black male. A 24 year old black male. A 24 year old black male who, by the sheer grace and mercy of God, has no felony convictions. A 24 year old black male who has no children. A 24 year old black male who has a college education and is pursuing a terminal degree. A 24 year old black male business owner. A 24 year old black male...who still is seen as a "nigger".

I'm pissed and rightfully so. While Sean Bell and his friends may have had felony charges, when does being an ex-convict not guarantee one justice? Why do we lie to ourselves about being a fair and just society?

I know I'm rambling right now but I'm a tad bit emotional so bare with me...

There is a full frontal assault on black males going on right now in America and it's been going on for almost 2 decades...don't believe me?

Here's a list of men who were killed or brutalized by the police...

Deonte Rawlins, Amadou Diallo, Anthony Baez, Deunta Terrell Farrow, Aaron Harrison, Nathaniel Jones, Ibrahim Muhammad, Lorenzo Matthews, Nigel Smith, Lorenzo Collins, Michael Carpenter, Courtney Mathis, Roger Owensby Junior, Timothy Thomas, Jonny Gammage, Abner Louima, Ousmane Zongo, and Patrick Dorismond

Who mourns for them? Their parents...their children...their families...

My question is, "When did WE stop caring enough to fight for us?" Why have we relegated ourselves to a certain stature, place, or level of comfortability en masse?

I guess some of us have gotten so comfortable in our six figure homes and luxury cars that we've forgotten that blacks in America are intricately intertwined in a tapestry of both pride and pain...

That "nigga" that you turn your nose up with his sagging pants is you....

That bourgie sista that you can't stand...is you...

Look at it like this...Blacks have been freed from slavery for a little over 145 years. We've only been afforded the same federally protected rights as everyone else for about 40. America is 232 years old...

Essentially, we are 1.5 generations from Jim Crow Segregation and about 3 from slavery. My Grandmother's Grandmother was a slave...so was it really that long ago when I have colleagues that can say their grandfather's grandfather was a wealthy landowner?

It takes 3 generations to build wealth. We're 1.5 out of segregation. Then we have had to compete with the destruction of the black nuclear family, media fueled subconscious self-hatred practiced by a few, "Crabs in a Barrell" syndrome, Grandfather Clauses, Ivory Towers, Glass Ceilings, Crack, Cointelpro, the Tuskegee Experiment, Hurricane Katrina, and now the armed assault by the "powers that be" on young black males...


Marvin Gaye was dead on when he wrote "Makes Me Wanna Holla..."

Black America has some issues that MUST be ironed out...

It MUST start with addressing the issues of our youth being railroaded...

I had SO MUCH HOPE when I saw the buzz and excitement about the Jena 6 and the call, by many, for EQUAL JUSTICE...

3 weeks later we were back to the same old stuff...

Why are we so short-sighted and fickle as a community...

What will the new "cause of the month" be in May?

I pray that Sean Bell's story is not forgotten and that we come together and try to fix the injustices that have taken place in this country for generations now.

Many are behind Barack Obama because he advocates Hope and Change...

Hope, is in the eyes of our youth...

Change begins with us...








(BTW, I'm a tad bit unmoved by Obama's response to the Bell Verdict....maybe that's just me though...)

Reverend Jeremiah Wright....my take on the whole thing....

Reverend Jeremiah Wright has caused almost immeasurable damage to Barack Obama's campaign.
So much damage, that the Jr. Senator from Illinois has gone so far as to completely separate himself from Jeremiah Wright the pastor, the man, the media spectacle. My question is, how did it get this far? How did a 30-second sound bite of Rev. Jeremiah Wright saying, "God, Damn America" go so far as to taint the image of one of the most charismatic, capable, and trustworthy politicians in American history?

Well, this is the logic...at least as far as I can see it.

Barack Obama was not raised in America for part of his life + Barack Obama does not wear his flag pin + Barack Obama's middle name is "Hussein" + Barack Obama didn't support the war on terror + Barack Obama's pastor said "Goddamn America" (Although that's NOT what he really said) = Barack Obama MUST hate America!

Wait...2 months ago wasn't Barack Obama a Muslim according to many people?

Ok, now I'm confused. Barack Obama, the Muslim who doesn't wear a flag pin, goes to Trinity United Church of Christ and becomes a member under a pastor who says "God, Damn America," because he hates us for freedom so he runs for President.

That makes a buttload of sense doesn't it? Well...doesn't it?

No. It doesn't. At all...

The attempt of the mainstream "Right Wing" media (God, damn labels...please?) to taint Barack Obama's darling image by connecting him to a 30 second sound bite of his pastor saying a phrase taken completely out of context is completely and totally WRONG. This STRAW MAN tactic is heinous at best and deplorable at worst and has forced the Obama camp to completely sidetrack itself to deal with what should honestly be a "non-issue".

Let's examine Jeremiah Wright for a second.

According to some people he hates America...ok, lets take that argument on.

Reverend Jeremiah Wright spent 6 years in the military. 2 in the Marines and 4 in the Navy.
He was a cardiopulmonary Technician during his tenure and was charged, along with others, with the care of then President, Lyndon B. Johnson. As a result he rceived three letters of commendation from the White House...

Yeah...real unpatriotic.

Reverend Jeremiah Wright is an intelligent man, I mean the guy speaks five languages...

I can honestly say that there is only one viewpoint of his that I disagree with. That is his view on AIDS.

I can honestly say that the only actions of his that I disagree with would be his, as my Uncle Bill said, wrapping "himself in the mantle of 'the black church' as if he represents all black churches." That is a job more suitable for T.D. Jakes or Bishop Noel Jones.

The problem therein lies with A) the media and B) the voters.

The media has IRRESPONSIBLY cast a dark shadow on Rev. Wright in an attempt to slight Barack Obama. We've been relegated to thinking that the two are inextricably related because the media told us they were. (Much like they did with Don Imus and Hip-Hop...)

The voters' problems are two fold. On the one hand you have ardent Barack Obama Supporters who wish Jeremiah Wright would shut up and stop hurting the campaign as if he's some sort of unofficial spokesperson. On the other hand you have Obama detractors who are either sympathetic to Obama or having a field day.

As Public Enemy said, "Don't Believe the Hype"

STOP Allowing soundbites to determine your belief in someone or something. There is an unprecedented idea of unification and change in Barack Obama's message and the tactics of those who it would benefit to keep things as they are should not drown that idea out!

(WARNING: RACE CARD TO BE PLAYED!)

On a message board that I'm on a poster typed something that resonated deeply within me. It made me think of this in racial terms as well.

It made me look at the entire thing from a racial perspective...the only people in arms about Rev. Wrights ALLEGED anti-American, quasi racist comments are the same people who have not cared about the plight of Black Americans in general in this country anyway...I'll delve deeper into that in my Sean Bell post...


BTW, to the people that have glorified the fact that Obama has distanced himself from Rev. Wright...read the full text of the sermon in the link below, TITLE INCLUDED, and tell me exactly how much you think he's separated himself in ideology and actuality...

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/03/for-the-record.html

Peace.

Understanding Black Patriotism....

Taken from http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1734809,00.html

By Michael Eric Dyson

Mainstream America has shown little understanding lately of the patriotism that a lot of black people practice. Black love of country is often far more robust and complicated than the lapel-pin nationalism some citizens swear by. Barack Obama hinted at this when he declared in Montana a few weeks ago, "I love this country not because it's perfect but because we've always been able to move it closer to perfection. Because through revolution and slavery ... generations of Americans have shown their love of country by struggling and sacrificing and risking their lives to bring us that much closer to our founding promise."

That's a far cry from the "My country, right or wrong" credo, which confuses blind boosterism with a more authentic, if sometimes questioning, loyalty. At their best, black folk offer critical patriotism, an exacting devotion that carries on a lover's quarrel with America while they shed blood in its defense.

It is easy to see why the words of black critics and leaders, taken out of context, can be read as cynical renunciations of country. Abolitionist and runaway slave Frederick Douglass gave a famous oration on the meaning of Independence Day, asking "What, to the American slave, is your Fourth of July? I answer, a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim." But instead of joining the chorus of black voices swelling with nostalgia to return to their African roots, Douglass stayed put. Poet Langston Hughes grieved in verse that "(America never was America to me) ... (There's never been equality for me,/ Nor freedom in this 'homeland of the free')." But his lament is couched in a poem whose title, like its author, yearns for acceptance: Let America Be America Again.

Even Martin Luther King Jr. was branded a traitor to his country because he opposed the war in Vietnam. When King announced his opposition in 1967, journalist Kenneth Crawford attacked him for his "demagoguery," while black writer Carl Rowan bitterly concluded that King's speech had created "the impression that the Negro is disloyal." Black dissent over war has historically brought charges of disloyalty despite the eagerness among blacks to defend on foreign soil a democracy they couldn't enjoy back home. Since the time of slavery, blacks have actively defended the U.S. in every war it has waged, from the Civil War down to the war on terrorism, a loyalty to the Federal Government conceived by black leaders as a critical force in gaining freedom. W.E.B. DuBois argued in World War I that blacks should "forget our special grievances and close our ranks ... with our white fellow citizens." Some 380,000 soldiers answered the call even as they failed to reap the benefits of their sacrifice when they came home.

Even the angry comments of Jeremiah Wright have to be read as the bitter complaint of a spurned lover. Like millions of other blacks, Wright was willing to serve the country while suffering rejection. He surrendered his student deferment in 1961, voluntarily joined the Marines and, after a two-year stint, volunteered to become a Navy corpsman. He excelled and became valedictorian, later a cardiopulmonary technician and eventually a member of the President's medical team. Wright cared for Lyndon B. Johnson after his 1966 surgery, earning three White House letters of commendation.

Dick Cheney, born in the same year as Wright, received five deferments--four while an undergraduate or graduate student and one as a prospective father. Both Bill Clinton and George W. Bush used their student deferments to remain in college until 1968. Clinton did not serve, and Bush was on active duty in the National Guard for two years. If time in uniform is any measure, Wright, much more than Cheney, Clinton or Bush, embodies Obama's ideal of "Americans [who] have shown their love of country by struggling and sacrificing and risking their lives to bring us that much closer to our founding promise."

Wright's critics have confused nationalism with patriotism. Nationalism is the uncritical support of one's country regardless of its moral or political bearing. Patriotism is the affirmation of one's country in light of its best values, including the attempt to correct it when it's in error. Wright's words are the tough love of a war-tested patriot speaking his mind--one of the great virtues of our democracy. The most patriotic thing his nation can do now is extend to him the same right for which he was willing to die.

Dyson is a sociology professor at Georgetown University and author of April 4, 1968: Martin Luther King Jr.'s Death and How It Changed America

My Alphaversary...

1097 days, 17 hours and 16 minutes ago I became a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc., THE Kappa Alpha Chapter...

As I'm writing this I'm reflecting over the past 3 years and how my life has drastically changed. I've seen my highest highs and lowest lows over the past 3 years and I thank God that I'm here to talk about it...

First, lets talk about me and Alpha...I am NOT what many of my brothers would call a "Good Alpha". Seriously, I'm not. I'm being perfectly honest about that. One of the main qualities of an "Alpha Man" as described by the fraternity is that he pays his fraternity financial dues in a prompt manner. Well, other than my initiation fee, I haven't paid any financial dues. I never had the money.

In college I had rent, a car note, utilities, and I had to send money home. I simply didn't have the extra money to pay dues with.

Now that I've graduated I have a few more bills. Luxuries are few. One of those luxuries would more than likely be membership in a graduate chapter. With my priorities being listed the way they are, honestly, graduate chapter membership is not high on that list. I have my car note, student loans, various bills, startup costs for my business, and school to worry about. Grad chapter membership has to come second...maybe even third if I get a mortgage soon. (Praying on that...)

None the less, I still could have been a good "Alpha Man" by attending chapter meetings, participating in service projects, and doing various other things. Well, once again I'm gonna lay it all on the table. Chapter meetings were on Sunday in undergrad. When I wasn't at my pops' church I could have come...instead I chose not to. I chose to be with my girlfriend at the time. I was attempting to build a future, but instead ended up getting my heartbroken....but I digress. I chose to not be with my brothers. That was a decision I MADE. Was it right? Probably not. I could have seen her later and spent some time with them. Do I have to live with it? I sure do.

Right now I seem like a pretty poor excuse for an Alpha...I'll admit that. I do. None the less, I'm a pretty darn good MAN outside of that. (Not me being conceited or cocky about it, I'm just putting it in perspective.) I've done a bunch of community service, I have a big heart, I'm honest, I've always tried to help those around me, and I REFUSE to give up on myself or anyone around me that I care about.

In the past 3 years that I've been an Alpha I've made some friends that I'll probably have for the rest of my life. I can honestly say that I've had a chance to fellowship with some of the most intelligent brothers that this world has ever seen and I thank GOD ALMIGHTY for that opportunity. I've created a bond with a group of gentlemen that has been forged in blood, tested by fire, and still stands unbroken. I appreciate that kind of love. That's amazing to me.

I've also been talked about and probably made a few enemies...some I know about....some I don't know about. That's ok too. It doesn't bother me. I know that as long as I'm living some people will not like me and possibly tell lies about me. I've been through that a thousand times and don't expect it to stop any time soon. Hey, worse things could happen. I pray for my enemies (those I know and those I don't know) and keep it moving. I refuse to allow another man's opinion of me define my progress, personality, and future.

Also, becoming an Alpha caused me to lose a few friends....God Bless them too....I still love them....

At this point some readers are probably asking, "Well...why did you even become an Alpha?" That's a fairly easy question to answer. My uncle pledged Alpha back in the 60's. My entire life I've looked up to him. He is my role model and an all around great guy. I aspired to be an Alpha as a means to emulate him.

One of my best friends in this world is Lindsey McAdory. In the Fall of 2003, Lindsey became a member of Alpha Phi Alpha. Ever since we were younger, I've always held Lindsey in high esteem and I still do. I aspired to be an Alpha because of the friendship that Lindsey has shown me and the fond way in which he spoke of his brethren before I became an Alpha.

Lastly, I aspired to become a member of Alpha Phi Alpha because of the leadership traits and sociopolitical views held by certain members that I saw. From high school to college, various Alphas popped in my life at pivotal moments to grant me a blessing here and there in terms of knowledge and friendship.

Alpha Phi Alpha, in my humble opinion, is one of the greatest collections of black men on this planet. I think that Alpha has the potential to change the world if properly exercised as a vehicle of change. Has Alpha changed my life for the better in 3 years? In some ways, I can unequivocally say an emphatic, "yes." Has it defined me as a man? I can just as emphatically say, "No." I like that about myself...I love the fact that regardless what I may do, become or go through I can still wake up in the mirror and say, "I'm the same person today as I was yesterday. I'm a little bit wiser, a little bit stronger, and a whole lot better....but I'm the same person."

Happy Alphaversary H.Y.P.O.T.H.E.R.M.I.A.

From your Ace...

Last Man Standing...(Inspired by Lyfe's song "Cry")

I done had money
I done been broke
I done been talked about something awful
Done been lied on by so many folks
I done even been depressed at times
and didn't wanna cry cause my pride was too strong
But over the years I thought it over
And after struggling for so long and still holding on
I figured, can't be nothing all that wrong with crying
If anybody says that they're that strong they're lying

I'm taking off my pride for a second to let you see the convalescence of a man who's been broken hearted...

Downtrodden...

Abused...

Forgotten...

Misused...

My rotten disposition is a direct result of the feminine manner in which so many males tend to keep up idle banter, chatter or whatever you want to call it...I think Puffy/P.Diddy/Sean John called it "bitchassness"

I know this isn't a typical poem but don't think because I use a few pop culture references that the regular level of mentality or creativity isn't flowing...you know how hard it is to rhyme something with "bitchassness?"

But I digress...

This stress can only be described as prodigious and my ignorance hasn't diminished one bit, the gift of education was heaven sent and I thank God every day for him making me a wordsmith but the negligence with which some of you cats speak so reckless is nothing more than evidence and a testament to your own personal..."bitchassness..."

In other words...say it to my face...or shut up...

I've heard it said that sticks and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me...that's true. They hurt you!

Now that I've pulled the daggers out of my back, I'm healed and I got my swagger back

Sometimes friends stay closer than enemies, now that I know that/I keep my real friends close and we stay back to back...pain will never creep up on me again...

See I done been a player
I done been played
I done went for some of the oldest tricks
from some of the coldest chicks God done ever made

I was in love once...maybe twice...either way I'm not there now...I'd be less than a man if I said that it didn't hurt now...I spent years doing all that I could just be where I am now...so how is it that I can be this honest with myself...how can I stand as a man after suffering the pain of a thousand deaths...scratch that...

To be brokenhearted is worse than death...

To be on the verge of spending eternity with another to spending the down payment on a ring on drinks for you and your brother is a long way to fall...I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss you then but now you've moved on and I'm asking myself how/in the world did I screw this wonderful thing up completely...

So, I could stand in the mirror and tell myself lies but when you're brokenhearted all you have left is your pride so you have to find the you that lives in the recesses of your mind and rewind time to the place that you knew so well before...or fast forward to the point where your prayers reach higher than the floor and seek something a little stronger than your will...

It wasn't me that forced me to get over you...it was God and the fact that I chose NOT to stand as a man but kneel...

Talkin' bout wo wo wo yea yea yea
They say a man ain't supposed to cry
but I know, know, know
fasho' sho', sho'
that even men go through problems somtime
cry

Gone in 60 Seconds...

I've Got/60 Seconds to prove to you that I've got something worth saying
Since I'm already losing some of you I've got about 57 seconds left and I'm gonna start praying
That the brainstorms that come like torrential rainstorms destroy your preconceived notions of a brother like me spittin/hopin'/wonderin' if these wordforms reach the recesses of your mind...

Damn...48 seconds to get my point across

If I write down all of the profound thoughts that crossed my mind and balled them up to put 'em in a rhyme I'd probably run out of time so I'll leave you with a few more lines so that you don't have to decipher the sublime messages that metaphors and similes tend to convey best and give you the raw facts

Just like that I've given you my thesis in a manner that bespeaks a man who believes in...
GOD/Love/Family/The Black Woman/The Black Man/and Hip-Hop and I won't stop spittin' these passionate verses of prose until my lungs collapse and blood starts comin' out my nose

30 more to go and I'm only halfway there...

At this point I hope that just one of my phrases make you read the chapters in between the pages of my tattered and torn moleskin notebook with the sole purpose of making you look at the poets that grace this stage as non-profit teachers praying for another page at the resurrection/hoping to capture the beauty therein while asking for repentance of a life full of sin/got 20 left...

The blood that flows in my veins and maintains the lyrical umbilical to the past is that of a million poets that tread in shoes with tattered lasts

I am the descendant of Sinke, remember...the guy from Amistad? "Give us us free?" The only difference is that I'm still stuck in the slave ship of materialistic mentality, voracious vanity and I'm wondering how can it be that I'm one of the few trying to escape...

So with ten seconds left I'm asking you to fight to the death and sing redemption songs until you run out of breath...

5 seconds to go and my knees hit flo' taking two seconds so that you know....God is Love....

45 Years...

This week we celebrated the 40th anniversary of the murder of Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. Many of these celebrations invoked Rev. Dr. King's famous "I Have A Dream" Speech. While many of us know the constant refrain of "I Have A Dream," I would much rather focus on the portions of the speech that are not easily recalled from the suppressed psyche of the media and so many scholars of color...

"We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual.
And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force."

45 years later...would Dr. King be proud?

No...he wouldn't.

There is an inherent distrust of all minorities of white people. Many Hispanics are under the impression that most whites (and I use that term sparingly) see them as a nuisance. An immigration problem to be dealt with only under the harshest terms that the law will allow. Ignoring the fact that many of them are hardworking, patriotic, and *gasp* LEGAL.

Our Arabic brothers and sisters are under the strain of being viewed as terrorists. They are in constant fear of being victimized under the banner of patriotism. They are called "raghead", "sand nigger", and "terrorist" as though these monikers describe them in a universal sense.

Black people...well, we have an entire struggle that continues. This does not diminish the stature of other minorities' fight for civil rights and equal treatment, because we are undoubtedly in lockstep. However, we seem to be a target of preference. (Keep in mind, this is coming from a slightly biased perspective) Our youth are under attack in the form of Shaquanda Cotton, Marcus Dixon, Genarlow Wilson, and the Jena 6. We are constantly the victims of police brutality with cases such as Sean Bell and Amadou Diallo. We are used as minstrels in various forms of society through artforms of our own creation. Lastly, we kill ourselves in unprecedented numbers as society deems those in our lower social stratas incorrigible and worthy of ridicule. (See the AL.com "Hardball Politics" forum for more on that...)

It is tragic...

In 2008 is is truly tragic that there is so much racial discord in America...

I am not naive enough to think that our racial problems would disappear overnight with the signings of the Voting Rights Act or the Civil Rights Act. I'm also the first to admit that we've made MUCH progress over the past few decades. However, the past few years have brought deep seated feelings of racial hatred to the forefront and a spotlight has been shone on it as a result of this year's presidential race...but this is not a post about Barack Obama so I'll leave it at that.



Another thing that we typically ignore around this time and MLK Day is Rev. King's opposition to the war in Vietnam. Of this war, he said:

""Let me say finally that I oppose the war in Vietnam because I love America. I speak out against this war, not in anger, but with anxiety and sorrow in my heart, and, above all, with a passionate desire to see our beloved country stand as the moral example of the world. I speak out against this war because I am disappointed with America. And there can be no great disappointment where there is not great love. I am disappointed with our failure to deal positively and forthrightly with the triple evils of racism, economic exploitation, and militarism. We are presently moving down a dead-end road that can lead to national disaster. America has strayed to the far country of racism and militarism. The home that all too many Americans left was solidly structured idealistically; its pillars were solidly grounded in the insights of our Judeo-Christian heritage. All men are made in the image of God. All men are brothers. All men are created equal. Every man is an heir to a legacy of dignity and worth. Every man has rights that are neither conferred by, nor derived from the State--they are God-given. Out of one blood, God made all men to dwell upon the face of the earth. What a marvelous foundation for any home! What a glorious and healthy place to inhabit. But America's strayed away, and this unnatural excursion has brought only confusion and bewilderment. It has left hearts aching with guilt and minds distorted with irrationality.

It is time for all people of conscience to call upon America to come back home. Come home, America..."

I concur...

His words echo into this millennium as we are in the midst of a STILL unjustified war in Iraq...

While I will not tarnish MLK's post with my feelings on this war, I will say that I believe that he would be firmly opposed to such a military action...

I pray that one day our children will be able to grow and learn in a world that does not have racism, reverse racism, or even "unracism" as I like to coin certain actions.

I only pray...or dream...that my children will learn from MY mistakes...their grandparents mistakes...their great grandparents mistakes and live as a generation without bias or hate...

Because at 24...I've already lost that hope for MY generation...

All The Lonely People....

"...Blank stares like nobody care
In a room so exclusive nobody there
But really, truth is that nobody there
Cuz it's feelings inside that nobody share
I want God to smile on me
But see, fame is a drug and you wild on E
Celebrities decorated like Christmas trees
God complex like they want a Christmas Eve
Sing a song to yourself and you stand alone
Get nominated for a gold gramophone...

All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
All the lonely people, where do they all belong?
I look at all the lonely people (I look at all the
lonely people)
I look at all the lonely people (yeah)

-Talib Kweli and Michelle Williams "Lonely People" (They used a HELLUVA Beatles sample for this.)


____________________________________________________




So, last night I went out for the first time in a long time. All the "beautiful people" were out and about rubbing elbows, shaking hands, and pretending to enjoy each others company. (I say pretending because you could see that certain people were uncomfortable with their "sometime friend" standing next to them.)

I knew the event would be something of such a nature though. It's always like that when you're around the "beautiful people". Me...I don't fashion myself one of the "beautiful people." I don't really have the time, patience, wardrobe, or desire to be. Yeah I take care of myself but being one of the "beautiful people" is a full-time job.

You have to make sure you are seen at the "right" places. You have to wear the "right" clothes. You have to have the "right" amount of individuality with those clothes. You have to make sure that the latest trend in BananaRepublicGapAmericanEagleAbercrombie&FitchExpress(for men AND women)EddieBauerLuckyBebe[Insert clothing label here] is in your closet. You can't have an off-day. You have to be sure and look down your nose at those who are inferior. You have to be disrespectful of certain people that you don't get along with for one reason or another. You have to stand around and look sophisticated while having a conversation that ranks at about a 7th grade level. You have to be greek sometimes. [Not just greek, but SOOPER greek] Occasionally you will be called upon to have a complete thought, expressed in a complete sentence; but you must REFUSE to expound upon anything because people will stop listening. You must enjoy the sound bite. You must listen to music that you honestly don't like because it's what all the "Grown and Sexy" people are listening to even though you have something ultimately musically inferior in your CD Pla...oops, I mean iPod.

Yeah, being one of the "beautiful people" is a TOUGH job.

I've always had a problem reconciling my materialism with my intellectualism. I like to dress fly. I like to have my own style and embrace the VERY OCCASIONAL trend. (That whole sexually androgenous metrosexual thing wasn't my style...) It's like, I wanna be fly and well dressed and all that, but I want to be conscious, a revolutionary, and an unpretentious intellectual. They are, at times, diametrically opposed.

So, how am I supposed to be both? How can I reconcile myself to a certain level of bourgeois thought while being ADAMANTLY anti-bourgeois. Hmmm....I guess I'll find out one way or another. One of my biggest fears about my intellectual growth and development is that I'll wake up one day and be EVERYTHING I hate...I will have given up my beliefs and slowly allowed certain things to become kosher in the name of success and/or friendship....

Sucks...I know.

In Between The Chapters...

I've realized that there are certain essentials in my life that I am missing...

No longer have I neglected my relationship with God. Though I am best described as the prodigal son, I know now that I am warm and welcome in his arms. As a good father does, he chastizes me from time to time...

As a writer though. I am missing a few things...

One of them is a muse...

I've often stated, "I don't like to write love poems," or, "Love poems don't pay the bills." That's still true. I don't like to write them unless ultimately and divinely inspired. I have actually avoided writing about my love life in my book...I'm not talking about that kind of muse though...

I've realized that an artists work is often determined by his/her surroundings and that a muse may simply be whatever MOVES them...

I want to write about more than my experiences as a teacher. I want to write about more than being a pariah. I want to write about more than just pain, pride, and prejudice. (No cliches intended) I want to simply...write...

All I can do is write...

Writing is my ultimate survival skill...

I have FINALLY realized that a writers TRUE sanity lies IN BETWEEN the chapters as opposed to that which the entire text is drawn from...

Where do you go when you have nowhere to be? (The essential, internal, intellectual question of ALL writers...from Hemingway to *ugh* Zane)