"Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that's more productive."
--Donald Trump
"Sometimes...when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing"
--Ally McBeal
"I got this Icebox where my heart used to be..."
--Omarion
I've finally made it to my breaking point...
I've never quit anything that I started. I really haven't, it's not in my nature to quit. I've often marveled at my own level of willful perseverance. I get knocked down, beat up, and kicked, yet somehow I keep getting up asking for more.
This quality is most evident in my personal relationships and educational career. While I'm no where near giving up on my education, my personal relationships are definitely in turmoil.
2006 has probably been the most trying year for myself, my REAL friends, and my personal relationships. I am beginning to lose my ability to find the value in other people who I am not already acquainted with. Why? I feel the need to defend myself. Defend myself from what? From the pain that goes along with having a big heart. I have been truly heartbroken by certain people that I held near to me this year.
My outlook is atypical of what's to be expected. Many would be frustrated and see it as just another casualty of life. I think it's only a matter of people eliminating themselves. God is pruning me. Shedding dead weight from my circle. While it may be somewhat frustrating and painful on my end, I know it's for the better.
To all those that I've loved and lost, thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson in my life. Some things we just can't change...peace out. Enjoy your life, stay blessed.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Hip-Hop Is Dead?
Young Jeezy vs. Monie Luv
Ok, I am sick of people telling me "Hip-Hop Is Dead" and "The South Killed Hip-Hop." That is the most baseless, asinine, elitist claim I have ever heard in my life. In the interview above, Hip-Hop veteran (I refuse to call her a legend after this interview) Monie Luv ATTACKS Young Jeezy verbally. They discuss Lil' Wayne's most recent comments about Jay-Z (Which is an entirely new blog) and then she baits him into a conversation about whether or not hip-hop is truly dead.
While I don't necessarily like the way Jeezy handled it, I respect him for holding it down as a Southern Artist and a Man.
ATTENTION:Hip-Hop is NOT Dead!
The South is NOT responsible for any sort of negative shift in Hip-Hop and I'm tired of Northern Hip-Hop heads claiming that we are. As an artist I feel personally slighted. I don't have a record deal, I'm not making millions. I spit for the love. I MC. I am a rapper. When you say Southern rappers suck, by association I am lumped in.
I am a hip-hop purist. I long for the days of Doug E. Fresh, Grandmaster Flash, Schooly D, a young LL Cool J, and Run DMC.
I am also a Southern Hip-Hop Purist. Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik is STILL in my heavy rotation. I still listen to Comin' Out Hard and get that tingly feeling in my spine. UGK is still my favorite Texas group!
Do I like everything that comes out of FYE with a "Hip-Hop" label on it? Hell No! I don't really care for snap music, trap music is very cliche', and crunk is on the verge of crap at times. Think about it though, those are three very distinct genres simply within southern hip-hop though! Rapper Big Pooh from Little Brother said it better than most. He said that the rappers from the south are the most versatile artists because we grew up listening to everything.
We have some of the BEST and BRIGHTEST in the game. Seriously. I know now why a lot of West Coast cats still don't really fool with Northern Hip Hop. When the West Coast began to reign in the 90's, a war sparked off! Mainly because a few cats from the North and some of the "Hip Hop Purists" didn't like the direction. I think it's ridiculous.
I find it amazing that the main critics of southern hip-hop are people who have never paid attention to it. It's SUPER hypocritical. They hate our snap dances, our "Walk It Out", and our "Poole Palace". We embraced their "Harlem Shake" and "Chicken Noodle Soup." They have Wu-Tang. We have the Dungeon Family. The South has ALWAYS been underrated in terms of lyricism and skill because of the Northern bias of the hip-hop media. We know New York is the birthplace, but damn can we shine too?!?!?!?!
Cee-Lo, Andre 3000, Big Boi, T.I., Lil' Wayne (after he stops feeling himself so much), Young Buck, Ludacris, Bun-B, Little Brother, Killa Mike.
All Southern Artists. All could hold their own in a cypher with anyone, anywhere. Jeezy was right about one thing he said in his interview. It's a new day, a new movement.
Take some cues from Fat Joe and show some love.
Give me your top 5 Southern Hip Hop Albums:
1. Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik
2. Comin' Out Hard
3. Soul Food
4. 400 Degreez
5. Da' Pimp and Da Gangsta
Ok, I am sick of people telling me "Hip-Hop Is Dead" and "The South Killed Hip-Hop." That is the most baseless, asinine, elitist claim I have ever heard in my life. In the interview above, Hip-Hop veteran (I refuse to call her a legend after this interview) Monie Luv ATTACKS Young Jeezy verbally. They discuss Lil' Wayne's most recent comments about Jay-Z (Which is an entirely new blog) and then she baits him into a conversation about whether or not hip-hop is truly dead.
While I don't necessarily like the way Jeezy handled it, I respect him for holding it down as a Southern Artist and a Man.
ATTENTION:Hip-Hop is NOT Dead!
The South is NOT responsible for any sort of negative shift in Hip-Hop and I'm tired of Northern Hip-Hop heads claiming that we are. As an artist I feel personally slighted. I don't have a record deal, I'm not making millions. I spit for the love. I MC. I am a rapper. When you say Southern rappers suck, by association I am lumped in.
I am a hip-hop purist. I long for the days of Doug E. Fresh, Grandmaster Flash, Schooly D, a young LL Cool J, and Run DMC.
I am also a Southern Hip-Hop Purist. Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik is STILL in my heavy rotation. I still listen to Comin' Out Hard and get that tingly feeling in my spine. UGK is still my favorite Texas group!
Do I like everything that comes out of FYE with a "Hip-Hop" label on it? Hell No! I don't really care for snap music, trap music is very cliche', and crunk is on the verge of crap at times. Think about it though, those are three very distinct genres simply within southern hip-hop though! Rapper Big Pooh from Little Brother said it better than most. He said that the rappers from the south are the most versatile artists because we grew up listening to everything.
We have some of the BEST and BRIGHTEST in the game. Seriously. I know now why a lot of West Coast cats still don't really fool with Northern Hip Hop. When the West Coast began to reign in the 90's, a war sparked off! Mainly because a few cats from the North and some of the "Hip Hop Purists" didn't like the direction. I think it's ridiculous.
I find it amazing that the main critics of southern hip-hop are people who have never paid attention to it. It's SUPER hypocritical. They hate our snap dances, our "Walk It Out", and our "Poole Palace". We embraced their "Harlem Shake" and "Chicken Noodle Soup." They have Wu-Tang. We have the Dungeon Family. The South has ALWAYS been underrated in terms of lyricism and skill because of the Northern bias of the hip-hop media. We know New York is the birthplace, but damn can we shine too?!?!?!?!
Cee-Lo, Andre 3000, Big Boi, T.I., Lil' Wayne (after he stops feeling himself so much), Young Buck, Ludacris, Bun-B, Little Brother, Killa Mike.
All Southern Artists. All could hold their own in a cypher with anyone, anywhere. Jeezy was right about one thing he said in his interview. It's a new day, a new movement.
Take some cues from Fat Joe and show some love.
Give me your top 5 Southern Hip Hop Albums:
1. Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik
2. Comin' Out Hard
3. Soul Food
4. 400 Degreez
5. Da' Pimp and Da Gangsta
Friday, December 08, 2006
Play at Your Own Risk...
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
--Charlie Brown (Charles M. Schultz from hit Comic Strip "Peanuts")
Some prices are just too high, no matter how much you may want the prize. The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart.
___________________________________________________________________
I'm accustomed to not getting what I want. I'm definitely not worried about things that I know I can't have...materially. However, I just like any man, am always somewhat curious about what makes members of the opposite sex tick. This is not a "woman bashing" note by any means, it is simply an observation of the inconsistencies we tend to overlook when it comes to them.
I will never understand the logic behind women's choices in dating. 9 times out of 10, when I look at my boys, I can see why they would date the people they would. I can see how they can be attracted to them. My female associates, not so much. I'm often confused about what motivates women who always tout the virtues of intelligence, ambition, and stability to date people who are inferior to them in each category.
I have listened to women dog men without ceasing. I have listened to them bitterly make statements about how, "there are no good men left" or "a good man is hard to find" or (my personal favorite) "all the black men are either dead, in jail, or gay." I find these statements to be utterly false and also very aggravating as a good black man. I can rattle off 10 right now. The problem is no that we aren't out there the problem is that you either a) don't want to be with us, b) are with us and treat us like crap, or c) are too hung up on being with someone you know doesn't want to be with you. Honestly, like Katt Williams said, if you are over the age of 21 and you are still talking about how all men are dogs, you need to grow up and start saying all the dudes YOU choose to mess with are dogs.
Fellas, at some point and time in your life you will realize that you are in somebody's life for their convenience only. The relationship is NOT reciprocal. Unrequited love sucks, and we all know it. There has been at least ONE female in every guy's life that he has loved to DEATH. He would have tried to fight the fleshly incarnation of pain itself for her honor and protection. He treated her like a queen and all he got in return was the Red Badge of "Friendship". Ladies, when you do that, you're essentially spitting in the guy's face and telling him, "You're not good enough for me." Then 2 days later you'll call him at 2 a.m. for comforting while a man that doesn't even COMPARE to him is doing you wrong. I have been in this situation. I used to find it annoying, now I find it amusing...
Some people may be wondering about my motivation behind this. Well, let me give it to you. I'm getting tired of black women who are upwardly mobile, intelligent, stable, focused, highly active, and independent completely disrespecting black men. It's old, it's trifling, and it's probably the reason you're single. I simply cannot understand why some women who are building a career and making themselves economically viable cannot deal with a man who is doing the same. Simple cowardice seems to be the answer, you've dealt with men who have had nothing comparable in terms of intellect and drive, yet when you find a good man such as myself, or one of the people I associate, with you run. No one wants to buy a problem. No one wants to commit to frustration. If we can grow up and treat you with respect, admiration, and love, can you return the favor with some understanding at the very least?
--Charlie Brown (Charles M. Schultz from hit Comic Strip "Peanuts")
Some prices are just too high, no matter how much you may want the prize. The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart.
___________________________________________________________________
I'm accustomed to not getting what I want. I'm definitely not worried about things that I know I can't have...materially. However, I just like any man, am always somewhat curious about what makes members of the opposite sex tick. This is not a "woman bashing" note by any means, it is simply an observation of the inconsistencies we tend to overlook when it comes to them.
I will never understand the logic behind women's choices in dating. 9 times out of 10, when I look at my boys, I can see why they would date the people they would. I can see how they can be attracted to them. My female associates, not so much. I'm often confused about what motivates women who always tout the virtues of intelligence, ambition, and stability to date people who are inferior to them in each category.
I have listened to women dog men without ceasing. I have listened to them bitterly make statements about how, "there are no good men left" or "a good man is hard to find" or (my personal favorite) "all the black men are either dead, in jail, or gay." I find these statements to be utterly false and also very aggravating as a good black man. I can rattle off 10 right now. The problem is no that we aren't out there the problem is that you either a) don't want to be with us, b) are with us and treat us like crap, or c) are too hung up on being with someone you know doesn't want to be with you. Honestly, like Katt Williams said, if you are over the age of 21 and you are still talking about how all men are dogs, you need to grow up and start saying all the dudes YOU choose to mess with are dogs.
Fellas, at some point and time in your life you will realize that you are in somebody's life for their convenience only. The relationship is NOT reciprocal. Unrequited love sucks, and we all know it. There has been at least ONE female in every guy's life that he has loved to DEATH. He would have tried to fight the fleshly incarnation of pain itself for her honor and protection. He treated her like a queen and all he got in return was the Red Badge of "Friendship". Ladies, when you do that, you're essentially spitting in the guy's face and telling him, "You're not good enough for me." Then 2 days later you'll call him at 2 a.m. for comforting while a man that doesn't even COMPARE to him is doing you wrong. I have been in this situation. I used to find it annoying, now I find it amusing...
Some people may be wondering about my motivation behind this. Well, let me give it to you. I'm getting tired of black women who are upwardly mobile, intelligent, stable, focused, highly active, and independent completely disrespecting black men. It's old, it's trifling, and it's probably the reason you're single. I simply cannot understand why some women who are building a career and making themselves economically viable cannot deal with a man who is doing the same. Simple cowardice seems to be the answer, you've dealt with men who have had nothing comparable in terms of intellect and drive, yet when you find a good man such as myself, or one of the people I associate, with you run. No one wants to buy a problem. No one wants to commit to frustration. If we can grow up and treat you with respect, admiration, and love, can you return the favor with some understanding at the very least?
Monday, November 13, 2006
Lost and Found....
So, the past couple of weeks have definitely been a learning experience....ups and downs. Mostly ups, but a few downs. What would life be without them though?
I'm gonna focus on the past few days though because it makes more sense to.
This weekend was both Tuskegee and Alabama State's homecomings. However, in retrospect, I realized that I did a LOT of thinking....despite the "hazy" condition I was in for the most part. I learned a few things.
I learned that life is too short to take for granted...
In the past couple of days, a few ICONS have died. Ed Bradley, Gerald Levert, and Brandy Nicole Murphy. Some of us know Ed Bradley, as the intelligent Black journalist on 60 minutes. Many of us know Gerald Levert as the soulful big man with a wonderously rich voice. However, many of us did not know "Nikki"...and that's a shame.
Nikki passed away this weekend as the result of a car accident in the Atlanta area on I-20. The other person in the car, UA basketball player Jermareo Davidson, was seriously injured. While I don't know Jermareo well, I pray for his speedy recovery.
Nikki was one of the most beautiful people that I had ever met. Not only did she have a beautiful smile, but she had a way of making you feel like all was right in the world. Every time I saw Nikki, whatever was on my mind at the time disappeared. She would hug you so tight and talk to you until your problems disappeared into thin air. She was a beautiful soul and she will be missed greatly.
My heart goes out to her family and her sisters in Delta Xi Phi. They were a big family filled with love. My prayers, as I'm sure many others are as well, are with you.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Some people are just not gonna like you....even if you don't know why
Not too much to say other than that....Some people are just childish like that.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Sometimes you can worry yourself right out of a blessing....
As long as you are trying to do things in your own way and manner, God is not being glorified through your work. I am guilty. I've had a SUPERMAN complex for years in matters of political and social importance. (At least what I considered important. Now though, I just want to let go and let God. I've retired from "The Revolution" in favor of going where God wants me to go. This must be how the Israelites felt.
I feel as though I'm walking through life, now humbly seeking to hear God's voice in the midst of all the shouting. I know that I DEFINITELY have a good way to go, but I'm sure I'll get there if it's HIS will.
In the fussing, fighting, rigamarole, and strain of everyday life, I forgot about HIS plan because I was too busy making my own. That was my worst mistake. Fighting my own battles instead of letting Him fight for me was another one.
Times are a'changing friends....
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Life's too short my friends.....too short.
Meosha, you're on deck! LOL!
I'm gonna focus on the past few days though because it makes more sense to.
This weekend was both Tuskegee and Alabama State's homecomings. However, in retrospect, I realized that I did a LOT of thinking....despite the "hazy" condition I was in for the most part. I learned a few things.
I learned that life is too short to take for granted...
In the past couple of days, a few ICONS have died. Ed Bradley, Gerald Levert, and Brandy Nicole Murphy. Some of us know Ed Bradley, as the intelligent Black journalist on 60 minutes. Many of us know Gerald Levert as the soulful big man with a wonderously rich voice. However, many of us did not know "Nikki"...and that's a shame.
Nikki passed away this weekend as the result of a car accident in the Atlanta area on I-20. The other person in the car, UA basketball player Jermareo Davidson, was seriously injured. While I don't know Jermareo well, I pray for his speedy recovery.
Nikki was one of the most beautiful people that I had ever met. Not only did she have a beautiful smile, but she had a way of making you feel like all was right in the world. Every time I saw Nikki, whatever was on my mind at the time disappeared. She would hug you so tight and talk to you until your problems disappeared into thin air. She was a beautiful soul and she will be missed greatly.
My heart goes out to her family and her sisters in Delta Xi Phi. They were a big family filled with love. My prayers, as I'm sure many others are as well, are with you.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Some people are just not gonna like you....even if you don't know why
Not too much to say other than that....Some people are just childish like that.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Sometimes you can worry yourself right out of a blessing....
As long as you are trying to do things in your own way and manner, God is not being glorified through your work. I am guilty. I've had a SUPERMAN complex for years in matters of political and social importance. (At least what I considered important. Now though, I just want to let go and let God. I've retired from "The Revolution" in favor of going where God wants me to go. This must be how the Israelites felt.
I feel as though I'm walking through life, now humbly seeking to hear God's voice in the midst of all the shouting. I know that I DEFINITELY have a good way to go, but I'm sure I'll get there if it's HIS will.
In the fussing, fighting, rigamarole, and strain of everyday life, I forgot about HIS plan because I was too busy making my own. That was my worst mistake. Fighting my own battles instead of letting Him fight for me was another one.
Times are a'changing friends....
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Life's too short my friends.....too short.
Meosha, you're on deck! LOL!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
To Be Self Righteous....
self-right·eous (slfrchs)
adj.
1. Piously sure of one's own righteousness; moralistic.
2. Exhibiting pious self-assurance: self-righteous remarks.
self-righteous·ly adv.
self-righteous·ness n.
I am ashamed of a few things right now. Bare with me as I go through this...
I am ashamed of The University of Alabama. I hang my head at the very thought of the imperialist attitudes displayed as a result of the Homecoming festivites of years gone by. The black community at UA has often felt that the University of Alabama Administration had no commitment to making us feel welcome in a bastion of white privilege. We now see how true that is.
I am not a race baiter. I am not one to simply throw out the race card in the interest of gaining attention or embarrassing others into action. However, the racist undertones of the ENTIRE homecoming celebration are too hard to ignore. Moving the Ying-Yang Twins to a completely different venue for the homecoming concert while citing "logistics issues" as the reason is utterly ludicrous. A has been country singer and a rap group with more crossover appeal than the "thug rappers" that everyone decries them as, would not draw any more of a crowd than Lynrd Skynrd did 5 years ago. In fact, they would be LESS appealing.
The conclusion MUST be made that, the presence of an act that wasn't a part of mainstream, southern, traditionally white music scared the university into forcing a move of the concert.
I am embarrassed by many of the students at my alma mater. I am embarrassed that in all their self-righteousness they cannot see some of the more blatant attempts to railroad black students on their own campus. They accuse us of self-segregation. This goes deeper than all the black kids sitting together in the lunchroom or all the black organizations keeping to themselves. This is deeply seated in the 40-plus years that black students were not allowed to participate equally in the homecoming festivities at The University of Alabama. 3 years ago, I personally sat down with other students and Dr. Witt and told him to his face, "There are two separate homecomings at this university. A black homecoming and a white homecoming." 3 years ago, I saw this happening. 3 years before, someone else saw the same. 30 years ago, is probably when it began.
So, in their self-righteousness the students and administrators who felt that the move was the proper thing to do make it a point to turn the tables and call the traditional homecoming stepshow, "self-segregation", suggesting that the NPHC change the date and/or time of the stepshow to accomodate the homecoming concert. Well, one thing about that is that the 9 traditionally black fraternities and sororities that make up the NPHC have a long tradition of stepping which dates back to our roots in Africa. The NPHC at The University of Alabama has a long-standing tradition of hosting this stepshow as a way for black students, who were segregated from the rest of the campus community, to celebrate homecoming. Now that the University is "pandering" to the black community (often on subpar levels)we are supposed to throw away our traditions?
I'm ashamed of some of the students at my alma mater for another reason. To justify this racist action of the administration, they point to the senseless killing of a bright university student and veteran of George W. Bush's War on AmerIraq. To blame this murder that occured two and a half hours after the concert and miles away from the concert is simply a logical fallacy. These are the same people that make racist jokes about the concert, call us separationists and self-segregators. Their ignorance makes them laughable....and dangerous. I am ashamed of them for disrespecting the memory of this young scholar and patriot who was so full of promise by using his death to further their own racist ideology. I am ashamed that they are allowed to be self-righteous comfortably because no one will call them the cowards they truly are....mostly because they hide behind computer screens, titles, badges, and hoods.
I'm ashamed of myself. For not rearranging my schedule to go support Tiffany Minnifield in the protest she organized. I'm ashamed of myself for not speaking out on this sooner. I'm ashamed of myself for allowing this sort of underlying racism to fester under my watch. I'm ashamed of myself for being emotional about the progress of Americans on the racial front. I'm ashamed of the crimson blood that pumps through my veins right now as I sit on the enemies campus, a tide of tears being held back only by the anger I feel by reading the Crimson White. The articles. The comments.
I'm ashamed to say Roll Tide....
I'm ashamed because obviously....The University of Alabama is ashamed of me.
--SE7EN
adj.
1. Piously sure of one's own righteousness; moralistic.
2. Exhibiting pious self-assurance: self-righteous remarks.
self-righteous·ly adv.
self-righteous·ness n.
I am ashamed of a few things right now. Bare with me as I go through this...
I am ashamed of The University of Alabama. I hang my head at the very thought of the imperialist attitudes displayed as a result of the Homecoming festivites of years gone by. The black community at UA has often felt that the University of Alabama Administration had no commitment to making us feel welcome in a bastion of white privilege. We now see how true that is.
I am not a race baiter. I am not one to simply throw out the race card in the interest of gaining attention or embarrassing others into action. However, the racist undertones of the ENTIRE homecoming celebration are too hard to ignore. Moving the Ying-Yang Twins to a completely different venue for the homecoming concert while citing "logistics issues" as the reason is utterly ludicrous. A has been country singer and a rap group with more crossover appeal than the "thug rappers" that everyone decries them as, would not draw any more of a crowd than Lynrd Skynrd did 5 years ago. In fact, they would be LESS appealing.
The conclusion MUST be made that, the presence of an act that wasn't a part of mainstream, southern, traditionally white music scared the university into forcing a move of the concert.
I am embarrassed by many of the students at my alma mater. I am embarrassed that in all their self-righteousness they cannot see some of the more blatant attempts to railroad black students on their own campus. They accuse us of self-segregation. This goes deeper than all the black kids sitting together in the lunchroom or all the black organizations keeping to themselves. This is deeply seated in the 40-plus years that black students were not allowed to participate equally in the homecoming festivities at The University of Alabama. 3 years ago, I personally sat down with other students and Dr. Witt and told him to his face, "There are two separate homecomings at this university. A black homecoming and a white homecoming." 3 years ago, I saw this happening. 3 years before, someone else saw the same. 30 years ago, is probably when it began.
So, in their self-righteousness the students and administrators who felt that the move was the proper thing to do make it a point to turn the tables and call the traditional homecoming stepshow, "self-segregation", suggesting that the NPHC change the date and/or time of the stepshow to accomodate the homecoming concert. Well, one thing about that is that the 9 traditionally black fraternities and sororities that make up the NPHC have a long tradition of stepping which dates back to our roots in Africa. The NPHC at The University of Alabama has a long-standing tradition of hosting this stepshow as a way for black students, who were segregated from the rest of the campus community, to celebrate homecoming. Now that the University is "pandering" to the black community (often on subpar levels)we are supposed to throw away our traditions?
I'm ashamed of some of the students at my alma mater for another reason. To justify this racist action of the administration, they point to the senseless killing of a bright university student and veteran of George W. Bush's War on AmerIraq. To blame this murder that occured two and a half hours after the concert and miles away from the concert is simply a logical fallacy. These are the same people that make racist jokes about the concert, call us separationists and self-segregators. Their ignorance makes them laughable....and dangerous. I am ashamed of them for disrespecting the memory of this young scholar and patriot who was so full of promise by using his death to further their own racist ideology. I am ashamed that they are allowed to be self-righteous comfortably because no one will call them the cowards they truly are....mostly because they hide behind computer screens, titles, badges, and hoods.
I'm ashamed of myself. For not rearranging my schedule to go support Tiffany Minnifield in the protest she organized. I'm ashamed of myself for not speaking out on this sooner. I'm ashamed of myself for allowing this sort of underlying racism to fester under my watch. I'm ashamed of myself for being emotional about the progress of Americans on the racial front. I'm ashamed of the crimson blood that pumps through my veins right now as I sit on the enemies campus, a tide of tears being held back only by the anger I feel by reading the Crimson White. The articles. The comments.
I'm ashamed to say Roll Tide....
I'm ashamed because obviously....The University of Alabama is ashamed of me.
--SE7EN
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
What I'm Sick Of....
So I'm on my soapbox again....
This is gonna be kinda funny, kinda serious, kinda half hearted....
I just need to get some things off my chest.
I am sick of Facebook....
I am sick of Everyone having so much access to my personal info at one time
I am sick of Everyone else's personal info bein so available to me
I don't really care if you joined a group....
I could care even less if you removed information from your profile....
I don't give a damn about your status being "So-And-So is Sleeping/in class/at a party."
I don't care!!!!!
I'm sure no one else does either.....
I don't care about you going from "it's complicated" to "in a relationship"
Real talk.
And another thing about facebook....
I am sick of EVERYONE who is in love telling the entire world how in love they are....
I am sick of EVERY tenderhearted female in the world co-signing that crap...
STOP IT! You people disgust me!
Relationships are between two people, not two people and the entire e-world!
Stop it!
The one thing I love to see is when people go from "in a relationship/married" to "single"....
Call me mean, but that crap is hilarious! I have laughed for days at a time when certain people break up. I'm not gonna lie.
If your profile's "About Me" section goes from: "I have found my one and only. They are my moon, stars, and sun. I want to love them forever...." THEN CHANGES TO: "Love sucks. Everyone in love sucks. I love not being in love. Dishonest people suck. I hate you. I want to die...." UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL LAUGH AT YOU!!! LOUDLY!!! IN PUBLIC!!!
In fact, I'm doing it now. HAHAHAHAHA!
Keep your business off facebook.
I'm sick of women with boyfriends/significant others...
I don't know why, I just am...
Am I bitter?
Probably...
I'm sick of BET...
I am sick of beating the "dead horse" that is the B.E.T. Sucks campaign....
I am sick of RAP
I am sick of "Chain Hang Low", "Chicken Noodle Soup", and any other song that sets black people back 1,000 years...
I am sick of Minstrelsy...
I am sick of women who are trying too hard to be cute...
Ladies, everyday is not your own personal fashion show...
I understand you have high sel-esteem.
I understand that you look fabulous.
I understand that you have a great sense of fashion.
What I DON'T understand is how you can set foot out of the house EVERY-DAMN-DAY with a straight face with some of the stuff ya'll have on.
Real Talk. Auburn has some of the most beautiful women I've seen in the state. Hands down. But, if I can look at you and think that you're attention starved....do you really think I'm gonna wanna talk to you? Period? Am I gonna take you seriously?
I am sick of women who confuse sexiness with exploiting themselves
If you have on a skirt that could double as a Kleenex, don't get mad when a dude grabs your butt....
I'm not gonna do it, I'm just sayin'...
I am sick of "talking heads"...
Why don't you ever have anything to say, yet you're always talking?
Shut up sometimes!
I've known some of you for YEARS and have never learned anything from you, but you're always talking!
Speaking of talking....
Why is it when two people kinda like each other, they call it "talking"?
That's so ambiguous...
There's got to be a better term for it...
From now on talking shall be known as "Getting to Know Each Other."
That sounds better....GENIUSES!
I am sick of "greek people"....
There's a difference between a person in a GLO and "greek people"....
Get over yourself, I SWEAR it's SO not that deep...
This is gonna be kinda funny, kinda serious, kinda half hearted....
I just need to get some things off my chest.
I am sick of Facebook....
I am sick of Everyone having so much access to my personal info at one time
I am sick of Everyone else's personal info bein so available to me
I don't really care if you joined a group....
I could care even less if you removed information from your profile....
I don't give a damn about your status being "So-And-So is Sleeping/in class/at a party."
I don't care!!!!!
I'm sure no one else does either.....
I don't care about you going from "it's complicated" to "in a relationship"
Real talk.
And another thing about facebook....
I am sick of EVERYONE who is in love telling the entire world how in love they are....
I am sick of EVERY tenderhearted female in the world co-signing that crap...
STOP IT! You people disgust me!
Relationships are between two people, not two people and the entire e-world!
Stop it!
The one thing I love to see is when people go from "in a relationship/married" to "single"....
Call me mean, but that crap is hilarious! I have laughed for days at a time when certain people break up. I'm not gonna lie.
If your profile's "About Me" section goes from: "I have found my one and only. They are my moon, stars, and sun. I want to love them forever...." THEN CHANGES TO: "Love sucks. Everyone in love sucks. I love not being in love. Dishonest people suck. I hate you. I want to die...." UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL LAUGH AT YOU!!! LOUDLY!!! IN PUBLIC!!!
In fact, I'm doing it now. HAHAHAHAHA!
Keep your business off facebook.
I'm sick of women with boyfriends/significant others...
I don't know why, I just am...
Am I bitter?
Probably...
I'm sick of BET...
I am sick of beating the "dead horse" that is the B.E.T. Sucks campaign....
I am sick of RAP
I am sick of "Chain Hang Low", "Chicken Noodle Soup", and any other song that sets black people back 1,000 years...
I am sick of Minstrelsy...
I am sick of women who are trying too hard to be cute...
Ladies, everyday is not your own personal fashion show...
I understand you have high sel-esteem.
I understand that you look fabulous.
I understand that you have a great sense of fashion.
What I DON'T understand is how you can set foot out of the house EVERY-DAMN-DAY with a straight face with some of the stuff ya'll have on.
Real Talk. Auburn has some of the most beautiful women I've seen in the state. Hands down. But, if I can look at you and think that you're attention starved....do you really think I'm gonna wanna talk to you? Period? Am I gonna take you seriously?
I am sick of women who confuse sexiness with exploiting themselves
If you have on a skirt that could double as a Kleenex, don't get mad when a dude grabs your butt....
I'm not gonna do it, I'm just sayin'...
I am sick of "talking heads"...
Why don't you ever have anything to say, yet you're always talking?
Shut up sometimes!
I've known some of you for YEARS and have never learned anything from you, but you're always talking!
Speaking of talking....
Why is it when two people kinda like each other, they call it "talking"?
That's so ambiguous...
There's got to be a better term for it...
From now on talking shall be known as "Getting to Know Each Other."
That sounds better....GENIUSES!
I am sick of "greek people"....
There's a difference between a person in a GLO and "greek people"....
Get over yourself, I SWEAR it's SO not that deep...
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Venom...
***NOTE: For those of you who really know me, you know that this is completely out of character for me to write in such a manner. As usual, I start off all of my blogs with a verse or two , usually of a hip-hop song. This one is no different. ***
Yeah, usually I don't get into all this battle rap sh** and all that
Sh**'s stupid
But I'm gonna address it
And after I get it off my chest may God bless it
I will invest four minutes exactly for everyone who had the audacity to attack me
I kept quiet but perhaps I should have pushed this fire quicker/Cause to just sit with this shit I've only gotten sicker/
Yet I react without even a crack in my composure/But the only way he knows to bring this shit to a closure/
I'm worthy, and my associates and I named the South Dirty/And I'm even for sale in Braille, the deaf, dumb and blind have heard me/
But I ain't even breathin until I get an even 30/I could casually clap up the front of somebody's throwback jersey/
You makin' me hafta talk this way, aintcha?/You makin' me hafta talk this way/
You forcin me to walk this way/Maybe my album will get bought this way/
Niggaz slow down around me, I make em superstitious/And one of my vices used to be wanting to look visually vicious/
But instead I use my head and I fed niggaz something nutritious/But you will appreiciate what a sacrifice this is/
And I know you ambitious young men, you have my best wishes/Have a piece of this pain on a platter, it's one of my best dishes/
When you assassinate my character, not one remark misses/So it's gone get funky when I'm fryin these little fishes/
Fuck fakin, there has been some offense taken/But this itty bitty beef is, beneath me, like bacon/
But hear me when when I say, I ain't gone hate you halfway/You know me, somebody will surely owe me/
When it comes to respect, I only put my family before me/And the beat ridin, oh so slowly, but surely/
And you in danger, and I'll be strict about straight erry one of you niggaz like strangers/I'll put bullet holes in anything that oppose/
Through car doors and clothes, amateurs and pros/Hardhead niggaz and hoes, also friends and foes/
Let it be known that you'll lose your life fucking around with Lo/This is my Glockapella/
And I'll be wearing diamonds forever like I'm signed to Rocafella/And I'ma bust two times in the sky/
Cause ain't nobody around here ready to die/But if there's more that you want, can't but one side win/
And I'm damn sure ready to try mutha fucker, yeah
Lo crazy, Lo a'hurt somebody bad/Lo crazy, Lo a'hurt somebody dad/
Decide to ride down your street and just hurt somebody bad/You know, as in house, hurt somebody's child or somebody's spouse/
You see what I'm saying, and you know I can be what I'm sayin/And I got the most to lose, but you steppin on my shoes, nigga/
You become a target, and will remain a target until you are hit/You gone fuck around and found out that's Lo still down for it/
I ain't scared of ya, never been scared of ya/If anyhing I'm scared for ya because I'm so ahead of ya/
Take that to the head brother, before I walk up on your bed brother/And paint you bloody red brother
You heard what I said brother?
--Cee-Lo on the song "Glockapella" from his album Cee-Lo Green is The Soul Machine
I am a man
As a man, I understand that while peace is desirable War is sometimes necessary.
So from this day forth I am declaring war.
To all who would reach for a grip of affirmation with one hand and stab me in the back with the other, it's war.
To all those who are petty and trifling enough to dislike me for no discernible reason and speak ill of me, it's war.
To all who have nothing better to do than talk about me behind my back, while not saying anything to my face, it's war.
I am tired of being peaceful.
Peace has gotten me frustrated thus far.
I have even reached out to make amends with those who have slandered my name.
I have taken the blows of disrespect with my head held high,gaze fixed on peace.
No more.
I am the type of person who will tell you to your face anything that I would EVER say behind your back.
Apparently everyone wasn't raised in the same manner.
I was raised to believe that, as a man, I have no reason to degrade another, dislike another, or slander another man unless given a reason to.
I was raised to deal with any issue that you may have with another person, with that person...not talk to others about them.
I was raised to believe that a man has no reason to lie on another man.
I was raised to believe that a man has no reason to "hate on" another man.
Some of you so-called men out there have done all of these. What makes it even worse is that I know who you are.
You have shaken my hand in public.
You have smiled with me.
Some of you have chilled with me.
Some of you have asked for my help.
Some of you have even "gripped me up."
I have let you slide for this long.
If you are real about yours, tell me you don't like me.
Don't smile in my face and tear me down behind my back.
In the words of T.I. "If you got it on your chest, then shawty say it to my face."
If you can't do that, check your manhood cuz.
So, the next time I see a couple of you cats I'm gonna start pulling your skirts up.
Man up.
Be A Man...
Yeah, usually I don't get into all this battle rap sh** and all that
Sh**'s stupid
But I'm gonna address it
And after I get it off my chest may God bless it
I will invest four minutes exactly for everyone who had the audacity to attack me
I kept quiet but perhaps I should have pushed this fire quicker/Cause to just sit with this shit I've only gotten sicker/
Yet I react without even a crack in my composure/But the only way he knows to bring this shit to a closure/
I'm worthy, and my associates and I named the South Dirty/And I'm even for sale in Braille, the deaf, dumb and blind have heard me/
But I ain't even breathin until I get an even 30/I could casually clap up the front of somebody's throwback jersey/
You makin' me hafta talk this way, aintcha?/You makin' me hafta talk this way/
You forcin me to walk this way/Maybe my album will get bought this way/
Niggaz slow down around me, I make em superstitious/And one of my vices used to be wanting to look visually vicious/
But instead I use my head and I fed niggaz something nutritious/But you will appreiciate what a sacrifice this is/
And I know you ambitious young men, you have my best wishes/Have a piece of this pain on a platter, it's one of my best dishes/
When you assassinate my character, not one remark misses/So it's gone get funky when I'm fryin these little fishes/
Fuck fakin, there has been some offense taken/But this itty bitty beef is, beneath me, like bacon/
But hear me when when I say, I ain't gone hate you halfway/You know me, somebody will surely owe me/
When it comes to respect, I only put my family before me/And the beat ridin, oh so slowly, but surely/
And you in danger, and I'll be strict about straight erry one of you niggaz like strangers/I'll put bullet holes in anything that oppose/
Through car doors and clothes, amateurs and pros/Hardhead niggaz and hoes, also friends and foes/
Let it be known that you'll lose your life fucking around with Lo/This is my Glockapella/
And I'll be wearing diamonds forever like I'm signed to Rocafella/And I'ma bust two times in the sky/
Cause ain't nobody around here ready to die/But if there's more that you want, can't but one side win/
And I'm damn sure ready to try mutha fucker, yeah
Lo crazy, Lo a'hurt somebody bad/Lo crazy, Lo a'hurt somebody dad/
Decide to ride down your street and just hurt somebody bad/You know, as in house, hurt somebody's child or somebody's spouse/
You see what I'm saying, and you know I can be what I'm sayin/And I got the most to lose, but you steppin on my shoes, nigga/
You become a target, and will remain a target until you are hit/You gone fuck around and found out that's Lo still down for it/
I ain't scared of ya, never been scared of ya/If anyhing I'm scared for ya because I'm so ahead of ya/
Take that to the head brother, before I walk up on your bed brother/And paint you bloody red brother
You heard what I said brother?
--Cee-Lo on the song "Glockapella" from his album Cee-Lo Green is The Soul Machine
I am a man
As a man, I understand that while peace is desirable War is sometimes necessary.
So from this day forth I am declaring war.
To all who would reach for a grip of affirmation with one hand and stab me in the back with the other, it's war.
To all those who are petty and trifling enough to dislike me for no discernible reason and speak ill of me, it's war.
To all who have nothing better to do than talk about me behind my back, while not saying anything to my face, it's war.
I am tired of being peaceful.
Peace has gotten me frustrated thus far.
I have even reached out to make amends with those who have slandered my name.
I have taken the blows of disrespect with my head held high,gaze fixed on peace.
No more.
I am the type of person who will tell you to your face anything that I would EVER say behind your back.
Apparently everyone wasn't raised in the same manner.
I was raised to believe that, as a man, I have no reason to degrade another, dislike another, or slander another man unless given a reason to.
I was raised to deal with any issue that you may have with another person, with that person...not talk to others about them.
I was raised to believe that a man has no reason to lie on another man.
I was raised to believe that a man has no reason to "hate on" another man.
Some of you so-called men out there have done all of these. What makes it even worse is that I know who you are.
You have shaken my hand in public.
You have smiled with me.
Some of you have chilled with me.
Some of you have asked for my help.
Some of you have even "gripped me up."
I have let you slide for this long.
If you are real about yours, tell me you don't like me.
Don't smile in my face and tear me down behind my back.
In the words of T.I. "If you got it on your chest, then shawty say it to my face."
If you can't do that, check your manhood cuz.
So, the next time I see a couple of you cats I'm gonna start pulling your skirts up.
Man up.
Be A Man...
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Loving myself
"There is no remedy for love, but to love more."
-Henry David Thoreau
I'm a passionate guy. That's one of my better traits. It's one of the things that I love about myself and that tends to draw people to me. The fact that I have so much love to give and passion for people is a trait that is not widely held or acknowledged.
Since the recent demise of a few relationships between me and people that I love, I've focused all of that love, that I freely gave to others, inward. I am loving myself more than ever before. Things that I was once insecure about have become my saving graces in many situations. God is truly showing me favor on all fronts...in spite of my actions.
One thing that I've found to be true is that through loving myself I am finding myself able to love those around me more intensely and wholly. It's amazing when you cultivate your friendships and relationships with your loved ones and it manifests itself greatly in your life. I am finding the true intention of God's purpose for love.
Love was not created as a selfish emotion for man to grant as he sees fit. Love was created for God to show us exactly how much he cares for us. To give a just a small fraction of how he feels about us. Think about it, loving oneself is almost too easy. We do that through our own natural vanity everyday. Yet, to love another person as much as we love ourselves or even moreso is a beautiful thing. However, that goes both ways. Love is meant to be reciprocal in the relationships we maintain everyday for a healthy existence. When it is one-sided it becomes dangerous.
We glorify God through loving Him and loving our fellow man. God's face is manifested everyday in our friendships. The Apostle Paul himself said, "Oh how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity." To function as one entity, two souls moving forward in lockstep is wonderful. This is not a romantic thing either, it extends itself to friends of the same step. It is not a sexual thing, more so an emotional thing or a spiritual thing. Forgive me for not being able to more eloquently interpret such a feeling but I am still learning.
Oh lord, my strength, my redeemer.
Please forgive me as a walk daily and continue to bless me with the gift of LOVE, so that I may love more deeply and be a tool of blessing for you as you have blessed me.
In the name of your son Jesus I pray,
Amen.
AMEN
-Henry David Thoreau
I'm a passionate guy. That's one of my better traits. It's one of the things that I love about myself and that tends to draw people to me. The fact that I have so much love to give and passion for people is a trait that is not widely held or acknowledged.
Since the recent demise of a few relationships between me and people that I love, I've focused all of that love, that I freely gave to others, inward. I am loving myself more than ever before. Things that I was once insecure about have become my saving graces in many situations. God is truly showing me favor on all fronts...in spite of my actions.
One thing that I've found to be true is that through loving myself I am finding myself able to love those around me more intensely and wholly. It's amazing when you cultivate your friendships and relationships with your loved ones and it manifests itself greatly in your life. I am finding the true intention of God's purpose for love.
Love was not created as a selfish emotion for man to grant as he sees fit. Love was created for God to show us exactly how much he cares for us. To give a just a small fraction of how he feels about us. Think about it, loving oneself is almost too easy. We do that through our own natural vanity everyday. Yet, to love another person as much as we love ourselves or even moreso is a beautiful thing. However, that goes both ways. Love is meant to be reciprocal in the relationships we maintain everyday for a healthy existence. When it is one-sided it becomes dangerous.
We glorify God through loving Him and loving our fellow man. God's face is manifested everyday in our friendships. The Apostle Paul himself said, "Oh how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity." To function as one entity, two souls moving forward in lockstep is wonderful. This is not a romantic thing either, it extends itself to friends of the same step. It is not a sexual thing, more so an emotional thing or a spiritual thing. Forgive me for not being able to more eloquently interpret such a feeling but I am still learning.
Oh lord, my strength, my redeemer.
Please forgive me as a walk daily and continue to bless me with the gift of LOVE, so that I may love more deeply and be a tool of blessing for you as you have blessed me.
In the name of your son Jesus I pray,
Amen.
AMEN
Monday, September 11, 2006
Putting my business out there....ALL OF IT
"There are people I know who won't hurt me, I call them corpses"
Randy K. Milholland, comedian
"When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things."
Real Live Preacher, from a ministerial website
"This be the realest _ _ _ _ I ever wrote"
Tupac Shakur
___________________________________________________________________
I'm about to put it all out there. I maintain two blogs and write poetry because putting my feelings down makes me feel better about my own inconsistencies, logical fallacies, shortcomings, and any other way that you can say the word "flaws" in the english language. However, writing also gives me a reference point to see where I've grown from and where I'm headed.
I'm at the point of no return in my growth, which simply means I've gone past the halfway point to completion and it would be farther to head back to the beginning than it would be for me to finish growin into the person He wants me to become. So, in my grwoth, this writing thing helps me to continue my journey. So, I'm about to lay some things out for my benefit. Please, travel with me.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have serious issues with abandonment and friendship. Well, over the past couple of months, those issues have been tested to their full limit. Now, I'm not one of those people who go around blaming their reluctance to love people on "trust issues". Let's get one thing clear, if you're over the age of 13 and you've dated ANYONE, you have trust issues. Just get over yourself. Stop using the phrase "trust issues" as a cover-up for your own inability and unwillingness to commit to someone. That's childish and it's not facing the true problem. But I digress, this post is about the tests that I've been facing.
I have a serious problem with giving people too much of myself. I'v cut back since I left Bama because if everyone has a part of you, no one ever knows the Whole you. I was tired of being pieces of a person for everyone. However, those that know the "whole me", so to speak, are often my trusted, time-tested, battle-worn confidants who I know, or at least thought I knew, would ride or die for me to the end.
Now, I've always trusted people to be themselves. Selfish. (Survival is the first law of humanity, so preservation of self is not necessarily a bad thing.) I don't mind that at all. However, when your survival (or comfort) causes you to risk tried and true friendships, then WE have a problem.
I recently had a "true friend" insult me to an infinite degree, thus ending what I thought was a great friendship. I was accused of trying something with this friend's girlfriend. Then, after telling my side of the story, this friend concluded that either me or the girlfrien was lying....
I know some of you are saying, that's understandable, right? Not in this situation. Would you believe the friend who's listened to you at 2 a.m. crying about your relationship? The friend who always offers you the honest truth? The one who holds you down in the presence of folks talking about you behind your back? The one who comes whenever you need them and offers you anything they have? Or would you rather believe the girlfriend who YOU SAY has always been selfish? The one who has lied to you before...repeatedly!?!?!?!? The one who has been a source of so much frustration and strife that you've made yourself sick over it? Think about it for a second.
Now think about how that real friend feels. Utterly insulted, degraded, and worthless. If the scale of friendship tilts in the favor of those who have no idea what true friendship is, then I good sir want no parts of this thing called friendship.
All in all, until this "girlfriend" is out of the picture we can't be friends. Because it's obvious that you hold her in much higher regard than those who truly respect and care about your well-being. So don't worry little homie. I'll be fine....I have friends who respect my honesty as much as you love hers.
Randy K. Milholland, comedian
"When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things."
Real Live Preacher, from a ministerial website
"This be the realest _ _ _ _ I ever wrote"
Tupac Shakur
___________________________________________________________________
I'm about to put it all out there. I maintain two blogs and write poetry because putting my feelings down makes me feel better about my own inconsistencies, logical fallacies, shortcomings, and any other way that you can say the word "flaws" in the english language. However, writing also gives me a reference point to see where I've grown from and where I'm headed.
I'm at the point of no return in my growth, which simply means I've gone past the halfway point to completion and it would be farther to head back to the beginning than it would be for me to finish growin into the person He wants me to become. So, in my grwoth, this writing thing helps me to continue my journey. So, I'm about to lay some things out for my benefit. Please, travel with me.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have serious issues with abandonment and friendship. Well, over the past couple of months, those issues have been tested to their full limit. Now, I'm not one of those people who go around blaming their reluctance to love people on "trust issues". Let's get one thing clear, if you're over the age of 13 and you've dated ANYONE, you have trust issues. Just get over yourself. Stop using the phrase "trust issues" as a cover-up for your own inability and unwillingness to commit to someone. That's childish and it's not facing the true problem. But I digress, this post is about the tests that I've been facing.
I have a serious problem with giving people too much of myself. I'v cut back since I left Bama because if everyone has a part of you, no one ever knows the Whole you. I was tired of being pieces of a person for everyone. However, those that know the "whole me", so to speak, are often my trusted, time-tested, battle-worn confidants who I know, or at least thought I knew, would ride or die for me to the end.
Now, I've always trusted people to be themselves. Selfish. (Survival is the first law of humanity, so preservation of self is not necessarily a bad thing.) I don't mind that at all. However, when your survival (or comfort) causes you to risk tried and true friendships, then WE have a problem.
I recently had a "true friend" insult me to an infinite degree, thus ending what I thought was a great friendship. I was accused of trying something with this friend's girlfriend. Then, after telling my side of the story, this friend concluded that either me or the girlfrien was lying....
I know some of you are saying, that's understandable, right? Not in this situation. Would you believe the friend who's listened to you at 2 a.m. crying about your relationship? The friend who always offers you the honest truth? The one who holds you down in the presence of folks talking about you behind your back? The one who comes whenever you need them and offers you anything they have? Or would you rather believe the girlfriend who YOU SAY has always been selfish? The one who has lied to you before...repeatedly!?!?!?!? The one who has been a source of so much frustration and strife that you've made yourself sick over it? Think about it for a second.
Now think about how that real friend feels. Utterly insulted, degraded, and worthless. If the scale of friendship tilts in the favor of those who have no idea what true friendship is, then I good sir want no parts of this thing called friendship.
All in all, until this "girlfriend" is out of the picture we can't be friends. Because it's obvious that you hold her in much higher regard than those who truly respect and care about your well-being. So don't worry little homie. I'll be fine....I have friends who respect my honesty as much as you love hers.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
This weekend....
So, this weekend I returned to Tuscaloosa for a short period of time. It
made me remember vividly why I hated being there to begin with.
That's not to say that Auburn is much better, because the same things I
hated about my time in Tuscaloosa are ever present here as well.
I made it to Tuscaloosa on Friday night, I stopped by the House of Alpha
and then made a cameo at the Delta's pajama party next door. I love DST,
I swear I do. (That's not to say that my feelings about BGLO's are any
different, I just find myself respecting the history, legacy, and
certain members of the org.) The problem is that, even though I got to
see my 2nd best female friend (Margaret), my favorite forensicator
(Ebony), my favorite TKN member, and my favorite Delta from Stillman, I
could only think of how unhappy I was.
I don't know if I thought things may have made a complete 180 since I
left, or I was hoping that maybe my frustration as it pertains to UA had
subsided with my recent location change, none the less I had slipped
back into the uncomfortable shoes of yesterday.
My senses were heightened. For some reason, I saw every funny look, I
felt every set of disdainful eyes, sensed the fakeness in every empty
handshake, found the disgust in every "courtesy" salutation, and the
hate in so many hugs. Why do I continue to love those who would rather
see me broken? Why do I continue to be friendly toward those who only
hold contempt for me in their hardened hearts? I do it because if I
didn't, I'd be the ultimate hypocrite. Most of all, I do it because I
used to be them.
I was once the person who disliked some because of my perception of them
as opposed to the truth. I've forgiven those who held/hold grudges
against me and refuse to hold one against them. While turnabout is fair
play, I live by a different set of rules. I live my life by a certain
set of principles that weren't always in place here. Many of my
principles are illustrated by various quotes. This particular principle
that I speak of comes from a quote by Booker T. Washington that states,
"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate
him." Simply stated, no matter what happens, how I'm treated, or who's
wrath I may incur along the way, I refuse to hate the other party. Both
the God and the Good in me (which are essentially and unequivocally one
in the same) refuse to let me hate or even dislike anothe human being.
It actually pains me to be the object of such hatred as well.
I don't just hate UA for that reason though. I hate UA for a plethora of
reasons, I'll list them in more detail later. That's if I have enough
room. Right now we're still focused on the fakeness.
I find myself being more and more detached from people as a result of my
years at UA. I am a nice guy with a BIG heart. That combination doesn't
pay. After so many years of being taken advantage of and/or victimized,
both personally by individuals and en masse by the university itself and
the black community at times, I find myself becoming more selfish in my
personal and professional life. I am finding myself less willing to
speak on the betterment of the black community in public, I am less
willing to do favors for others sole benefit, and I am also less willing
to assume leadership roles in minority based communities. While I am
still the revolutionary minded rebel buffalo soldier, I find it hard to
function with a hole in my heart.
I once freestyled "my heart is my greatest tool/so the treasure is
vested." I'm finding the need to protect my heart more and more without
regard to anything. I am moving farther away from the guy who gives his
heart freely, and closer to the reserved/mildly bitter/angry black man
that I'm falling back into.
I don't really want to be that guy. I like the loving SE7EN, but I'm
finding him hard to hold onto.
I write
I spit
I learn
I teach
I fight
I struggle
I strive
I hope
I pray
I wish
I dream
But, above all this....
Like Erykah says....
Honey, I love.....
--SE7EN (sent from my sidekick)
New Stuff
Ok, so I broke down and bought a Sidekick. On the one hand it put a
rather sizeable dent in my pocket, but on the other hand I can now post
random thoughts and ideas to my blog at will. Don't you just love
technology?
I'll be updating in a minute...I gotta tell you about my weekend.
--mightymouse1906
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Not so sure....
They say "Dude think he righteous"
I write just to free minds, from Stoney to Rikers
Amongst the lifeless, in a world crazy as Mike is
On my paper, whether its weed or Isis
They say "life is a game," so I play hard
Writin for my life cause I'm scared of a day job
They say "Sef kept the hood together"
I tell the young, "We can't play the hood forever"
Play my cards right, they say I went too left
They showed me strange love, like I was Mr. F
Played chess in this game of, pawns and knights
Now I claim "King" like Don, or Frank White
They say my life is comparable to Christ's
The way I sacrificed, and resurrected, twice
They say "The crochet pants and the sweater was wack"
Seen "The Corner", now they say "That nigga's back," uh...
--Common on "They Say" from his LP Be
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. Well, I may qualify for a room in Bellevue. I find myself expecting people to do better when I really shouldn't . If I was a more rational man, I'd probably take people's past into account. But, I'm not necessarily a rational man. I'm a man that lives and brethes by emotions. Love is what wakes me up in the morning and makes me sleep at night. Love for self. Love for others. Not in the eros sense, but love in the more cerebral sense of the word.
I know I'm rambling but I have to. It's kinda of a way for me to release frustration. Stream of consciousness is the most pure stream there is. No backyard creek or sparkling spring can compare with the purity of a stream of consciousness. Hold on, I got a couple of questions for ya'll.
Why do poets hate on each other?
Why do we feel the need to put each other into categories?
Why do college aged, somewhat educated women feel the need to show their asses?
Why do grown ass, college aged men, who are somewhat educated as well feel the need to dress like kids?
Why is it when you tell somebody you can rap, some random nigga (yes I said nigga) comes around trying to battle?
Why is it when you begin to lyrically devour his ass, he wants to get all physical?
Why are all of the REAL women found buried deep in a flock of fake ones?
Why are all of the REAL fellas hiding their realness?
Why has "keep it real" become so commercial?
Why do so many naturally pessimistic people use "keeping it real" logic to spread their pessimism?
Why are there more brothers in jail than in college?
Why aren't we MOVING to do anything about it?
Why NEW ORLEANS!?!?!?!?!?
Why do rappers insist on making songs about nothing?
Why do major labels and distributors continue giving money to simple ass rappers?
Why do we buy the crap?
Why I KNOW YOU SEE IT?
Why does love hurt?
Why does love scorn?
Why 80's rock?
Why (really though) does everyone have a different definition of love?
Why does hip-hop have to be so boring right now?
Why am I lost?
Why don't I want to be in Auburn anymore?
Why do I want to go to law school DESPERATELY?
Why do I need to be challenged?
Why do I feel like Birmingham is SO where I need to be?
Why do.....I love? So Much?
I write just to free minds, from Stoney to Rikers
Amongst the lifeless, in a world crazy as Mike is
On my paper, whether its weed or Isis
They say "life is a game," so I play hard
Writin for my life cause I'm scared of a day job
They say "Sef kept the hood together"
I tell the young, "We can't play the hood forever"
Play my cards right, they say I went too left
They showed me strange love, like I was Mr. F
Played chess in this game of, pawns and knights
Now I claim "King" like Don, or Frank White
They say my life is comparable to Christ's
The way I sacrificed, and resurrected, twice
They say "The crochet pants and the sweater was wack"
Seen "The Corner", now they say "That nigga's back," uh...
--Common on "They Say" from his LP Be
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. Well, I may qualify for a room in Bellevue. I find myself expecting people to do better when I really shouldn't . If I was a more rational man, I'd probably take people's past into account. But, I'm not necessarily a rational man. I'm a man that lives and brethes by emotions. Love is what wakes me up in the morning and makes me sleep at night. Love for self. Love for others. Not in the eros sense, but love in the more cerebral sense of the word.
I know I'm rambling but I have to. It's kinda of a way for me to release frustration. Stream of consciousness is the most pure stream there is. No backyard creek or sparkling spring can compare with the purity of a stream of consciousness. Hold on, I got a couple of questions for ya'll.
Why do poets hate on each other?
Why do we feel the need to put each other into categories?
Why do college aged, somewhat educated women feel the need to show their asses?
Why do grown ass, college aged men, who are somewhat educated as well feel the need to dress like kids?
Why is it when you tell somebody you can rap, some random nigga (yes I said nigga) comes around trying to battle?
Why is it when you begin to lyrically devour his ass, he wants to get all physical?
Why are all of the REAL women found buried deep in a flock of fake ones?
Why are all of the REAL fellas hiding their realness?
Why has "keep it real" become so commercial?
Why do so many naturally pessimistic people use "keeping it real" logic to spread their pessimism?
Why are there more brothers in jail than in college?
Why aren't we MOVING to do anything about it?
Why NEW ORLEANS!?!?!?!?!?
Why do rappers insist on making songs about nothing?
Why do major labels and distributors continue giving money to simple ass rappers?
Why do we buy the crap?
Why I KNOW YOU SEE IT?
Why does love hurt?
Why does love scorn?
Why 80's rock?
Why (really though) does everyone have a different definition of love?
Why does hip-hop have to be so boring right now?
Why am I lost?
Why don't I want to be in Auburn anymore?
Why do I want to go to law school DESPERATELY?
Why do I need to be challenged?
Why do I feel like Birmingham is SO where I need to be?
Why do.....I love? So Much?
Monday, August 14, 2006
Kick, Push, and Coast.....ramblings.....
My man got a lil older became a better roller (yea)
No helmet, hellbent on killin' himself,
was what his momma said
But he was feelin' himself
Got a lil more swagger in his style
Met his girlfriend, she was clappin' in the crowd
Love is what was happening to him now, uh
He said I would marry you but I'm engaged to these aerials and varials
And I don't think this board is strong enough to carry 2
She said !bow! I weigh 122 pounds, now
Lemme make one thing clear
I don't need to ride yours I got mine right here
So she took him to a spot
He didn't know about
Somewhere in the apartment parking lot, she saidI don't normally take dates in here
Security came and said "I'm sorry there's no skating here"
--Lupe Fiasco on "Kick Push" the first single from his upcoming LP Food and Liquor
I'm giving up on the female species. Don't get me wrong I still love women, but I really won't be just too interested in the whole "playing hard to get", chase and capture, dating game rigamarole. I've pretty much gotten the final word on my "relationship situation" so it's fairly safe to say that I'm drained....as hell.
I began to wonder last night whether or not I'd ever get marrried. Maybe because I'm my own worst critic, plus I like to bare the brunt of EVERYTHING when it comes to my personal life. So, as a result I find myself completely unforgiving of...well...myself. I don't necessarily know how to reconcile the fact that I'm human with the fact that I have certain standards that are considered EXTREMELY HIGH by some people. It's weird. It's part of the complex makeup of all things SE7EN. Let me explain this particular part.
I am a very perceptive person. I can probably tell you more about yourself after a 10 minute conversation than some of the friends you've had for years. I'm also hyperempathetic. I tend to take others pains, hurts, doubts, and fears and make them my own. It's very weird. I have a big heart. I'm a good person. I'll give you my last if I have it.
Everything that I just said about myself takes somewhat of a conscious effort on my part. All of these traits are natural parts of me that I work on a daily to cultivate, because if I don't I'll fall into the angry, arrogant, jerk of an intellectual smartass that I naturally am. I don't really like that guy. He wasn't very good for my image or my soul.
It's a SERIOUS internal battle. One that we all face, however soem are just less pronounced than others. Even still, some just choose to allow their personalities to be dictated by tohers, and as a result they don't have to worry about it. Whenever I do slip up and go back to the old SE7EN I tend not to forgive myself. That's with anything. I will punish myself for anything FOREVER. I can't help it. It's crazy. I'm still punishing myself for things I did five years ago...hell 10 in some cases. I don't really know how to forgive myself. It's weird that I wake up every morning and pray for forgiveness and I can't forgive myself.
Love....wow. I gotta kick, push, and coast away from it....probably forever.
No helmet, hellbent on killin' himself,
was what his momma said
But he was feelin' himself
Got a lil more swagger in his style
Met his girlfriend, she was clappin' in the crowd
Love is what was happening to him now, uh
He said I would marry you but I'm engaged to these aerials and varials
And I don't think this board is strong enough to carry 2
She said !bow! I weigh 122 pounds, now
Lemme make one thing clear
I don't need to ride yours I got mine right here
So she took him to a spot
He didn't know about
Somewhere in the apartment parking lot, she saidI don't normally take dates in here
Security came and said "I'm sorry there's no skating here"
--Lupe Fiasco on "Kick Push" the first single from his upcoming LP Food and Liquor
I'm giving up on the female species. Don't get me wrong I still love women, but I really won't be just too interested in the whole "playing hard to get", chase and capture, dating game rigamarole. I've pretty much gotten the final word on my "relationship situation" so it's fairly safe to say that I'm drained....as hell.
I began to wonder last night whether or not I'd ever get marrried. Maybe because I'm my own worst critic, plus I like to bare the brunt of EVERYTHING when it comes to my personal life. So, as a result I find myself completely unforgiving of...well...myself. I don't necessarily know how to reconcile the fact that I'm human with the fact that I have certain standards that are considered EXTREMELY HIGH by some people. It's weird. It's part of the complex makeup of all things SE7EN. Let me explain this particular part.
I am a very perceptive person. I can probably tell you more about yourself after a 10 minute conversation than some of the friends you've had for years. I'm also hyperempathetic. I tend to take others pains, hurts, doubts, and fears and make them my own. It's very weird. I have a big heart. I'm a good person. I'll give you my last if I have it.
Everything that I just said about myself takes somewhat of a conscious effort on my part. All of these traits are natural parts of me that I work on a daily to cultivate, because if I don't I'll fall into the angry, arrogant, jerk of an intellectual smartass that I naturally am. I don't really like that guy. He wasn't very good for my image or my soul.
It's a SERIOUS internal battle. One that we all face, however soem are just less pronounced than others. Even still, some just choose to allow their personalities to be dictated by tohers, and as a result they don't have to worry about it. Whenever I do slip up and go back to the old SE7EN I tend not to forgive myself. That's with anything. I will punish myself for anything FOREVER. I can't help it. It's crazy. I'm still punishing myself for things I did five years ago...hell 10 in some cases. I don't really know how to forgive myself. It's weird that I wake up every morning and pray for forgiveness and I can't forgive myself.
Love....wow. I gotta kick, push, and coast away from it....probably forever.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Do NOT Question God...Just Believe
In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying.
--Bertrand Russell
1 year ago around this time I was in the same situation. I was homeless, working, having car trouble, and woman trouble all at the same time. Finding yourself back in a situation that you thought was completely behind you is almost life-altering. It's is definitely growth restricting. However, this time it has been compounded by something vile and utterly unsettling.
Someone whom I love dearly has been hurt...
I have a HUMONGOUS heart, and when someone I love is hurt, it disables/cripples/destroys me. I'm finding myself sitting at this screen unable to focus. I want to make it right. I want somehow to make my friend get up out of that hospital bed and rewind time. Rewind time back to before everything happened to her and make it right again.
I'm pissed though. I'm pissed because the only person that could have hurt her in such a manner is probably sitting next to her right now. He's sweating, jittery. Looking for someone to shift te blame to. Looking for someone to pin this thing on. Pointing fingers, smiling nervously in a feeble attempt to be strong. In the face of jail time and ridicule, he's looking for a sacrificial lamb.
He called me. Asking me questions like he is an authority figure. Giving simple answers, even simpler smart comments. I'm pissed. He kinda tried me. Don't want to let my roots come out. Don't want to let my Ensley show. I left that shit behind....
Questions coming rapidly
"What you wanna do baby brother?"
"I don't wanna do nothing man, I just want to make sure she's ok."
"You know where that nigga at?"
"Yeah"
"Let's find him then."
"For what man? He ain't really got gully with me or anything. You know?"
"I just wanna see what that nigga knows. That's my girl too ya know?"
"Yeah, I dig. I'll be in Tuscaloosa in the morning."
"Aight....Peace Chad."
"Peace."
Breathing in ragged, heavy breaths. Walking with slow heavy steps. Violence flashes through my mind. Ideas of just swinging against whatever this demon is that has enslaved her for the moment. "Bring back my friend you bastard! Let her go!" I want to fight for her. I want the recesses of her mind to help her fight. I want her to be ok. Tears flow freely now. Why can't I cry? I can't believe this. Things like this shouldn't happen to people like that. Sometimes Life sucks. Other times...it's a dream. This is a nightmare. A burden none should have to bare sits on the back of one who's heart is big enough to care. I don't understand. My understanding is limited.
God please forgive us for our sins. Those committed knowingly and unknowingly. God, protect and keep my friend in her hour of need. Please God let your grace and mercy rain down on her right now and protect her. Bless her soul, heart and mind Father. Allow her to come through this unscathed Lord. Only you have the power to truly fix this. Man is limited in his technology and medicines. Only you can heal the broken mind and soul of my friend Lord. Save her. Make her whole again. Bring back that smile, that intelligence, that warmth that only you could have given her Lord. Bless her Father. Bless her sister right now. Father, give her sister the strength to make it through this God. She needs you now more than ever Father. Only you can fix this Lord. We come to you humbly Father. Prone. Face down asking that you bless her and bestow the fullest power of your grace and mercy upon her Lord. Please Lord. Please, just make her right again. Make her whole again. In JESUS name we pray. AMEN
--Bertrand Russell
1 year ago around this time I was in the same situation. I was homeless, working, having car trouble, and woman trouble all at the same time. Finding yourself back in a situation that you thought was completely behind you is almost life-altering. It's is definitely growth restricting. However, this time it has been compounded by something vile and utterly unsettling.
Someone whom I love dearly has been hurt...
I have a HUMONGOUS heart, and when someone I love is hurt, it disables/cripples/destroys me. I'm finding myself sitting at this screen unable to focus. I want to make it right. I want somehow to make my friend get up out of that hospital bed and rewind time. Rewind time back to before everything happened to her and make it right again.
I'm pissed though. I'm pissed because the only person that could have hurt her in such a manner is probably sitting next to her right now. He's sweating, jittery. Looking for someone to shift te blame to. Looking for someone to pin this thing on. Pointing fingers, smiling nervously in a feeble attempt to be strong. In the face of jail time and ridicule, he's looking for a sacrificial lamb.
He called me. Asking me questions like he is an authority figure. Giving simple answers, even simpler smart comments. I'm pissed. He kinda tried me. Don't want to let my roots come out. Don't want to let my Ensley show. I left that shit behind....
Questions coming rapidly
"What you wanna do baby brother?"
"I don't wanna do nothing man, I just want to make sure she's ok."
"You know where that nigga at?"
"Yeah"
"Let's find him then."
"For what man? He ain't really got gully with me or anything. You know?"
"I just wanna see what that nigga knows. That's my girl too ya know?"
"Yeah, I dig. I'll be in Tuscaloosa in the morning."
"Aight....Peace Chad."
"Peace."
Breathing in ragged, heavy breaths. Walking with slow heavy steps. Violence flashes through my mind. Ideas of just swinging against whatever this demon is that has enslaved her for the moment. "Bring back my friend you bastard! Let her go!" I want to fight for her. I want the recesses of her mind to help her fight. I want her to be ok. Tears flow freely now. Why can't I cry? I can't believe this. Things like this shouldn't happen to people like that. Sometimes Life sucks. Other times...it's a dream. This is a nightmare. A burden none should have to bare sits on the back of one who's heart is big enough to care. I don't understand. My understanding is limited.
God please forgive us for our sins. Those committed knowingly and unknowingly. God, protect and keep my friend in her hour of need. Please God let your grace and mercy rain down on her right now and protect her. Bless her soul, heart and mind Father. Allow her to come through this unscathed Lord. Only you have the power to truly fix this. Man is limited in his technology and medicines. Only you can heal the broken mind and soul of my friend Lord. Save her. Make her whole again. Bring back that smile, that intelligence, that warmth that only you could have given her Lord. Bless her Father. Bless her sister right now. Father, give her sister the strength to make it through this God. She needs you now more than ever Father. Only you can fix this Lord. We come to you humbly Father. Prone. Face down asking that you bless her and bestow the fullest power of your grace and mercy upon her Lord. Please Lord. Please, just make her right again. Make her whole again. In JESUS name we pray. AMEN
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Hip-Hop Revival
You ever noticed how music can completely change your mood? Change the way you talk, think, breathe, walk? I have.
I remember when I first fell in love with this lifestyle called hip-hop. It was a beautiful thing. I was about 12 years old. I borrowed a tape from one of the girls at my middle school. I rushed home and popped in my cassete player with the big ass headphones and sat on my bed. The cool southern drawl that oozed from the tiny speakers and into my psyche was life changing, mind numbing, and addictive all at the same time. The horns blared through the sides of my face and made my eyes glow. The voices of two of the coolest men on the planet, in my eyes, ran roughshod through the streets of my adolescent, troubled brain. I KNEW at that very moment, hip-hop was in my soul.
That first experience listening to Outkast's "Player's Ball" solidified what I already knew. There was a world outside of my two parent, turbulent household in a middle-class hood. I knew in my home, the rhetoric of the "Ghetto CNN" wouldn't be welcome. My parents didn't want me hearing about glocks, rocks, and hoes. Even though one glance out of my window would have shown me all of that. Bloods here, dope boys there, and a crackhead living across the street. I walked to the bus stop over needles, broken liquor bottles and used condoms thrown out of windows. Hip-Hop was my escape, my dream, my salvation.
I keep hearing a lot of chatter about hip-hop dying and it pains me...
The argument is that southern rap has oversimplified hip-hop to the point that it's nothing but dumb songs and "snap music". I don't believe that. Hip-hop has always had simplicity and complexity. It's always had songs about stupid stuff. (Come on guys, "Gin and Juice" is NOT a complex ass concept...I dare you to say it's not a classic) Hip-hop is universal. It's just as broad as the range of colors that tint the skin of the diaspora.
Hip-hop is not some king sitting on a throne dictating orders to people. Hip-hop is not some overly pretentious, bourgeois negro sneering down its nose at the impoverished. Hip-hop is the suburbs and the slums. It's just as much snap music as it is "The Purple Tape". It's beautiful in so many ways.
Hip-Hop is not dead...it's just sleep right now...
Rest brother....rest
I remember when I first fell in love with this lifestyle called hip-hop. It was a beautiful thing. I was about 12 years old. I borrowed a tape from one of the girls at my middle school. I rushed home and popped in my cassete player with the big ass headphones and sat on my bed. The cool southern drawl that oozed from the tiny speakers and into my psyche was life changing, mind numbing, and addictive all at the same time. The horns blared through the sides of my face and made my eyes glow. The voices of two of the coolest men on the planet, in my eyes, ran roughshod through the streets of my adolescent, troubled brain. I KNEW at that very moment, hip-hop was in my soul.
That first experience listening to Outkast's "Player's Ball" solidified what I already knew. There was a world outside of my two parent, turbulent household in a middle-class hood. I knew in my home, the rhetoric of the "Ghetto CNN" wouldn't be welcome. My parents didn't want me hearing about glocks, rocks, and hoes. Even though one glance out of my window would have shown me all of that. Bloods here, dope boys there, and a crackhead living across the street. I walked to the bus stop over needles, broken liquor bottles and used condoms thrown out of windows. Hip-Hop was my escape, my dream, my salvation.
I keep hearing a lot of chatter about hip-hop dying and it pains me...
The argument is that southern rap has oversimplified hip-hop to the point that it's nothing but dumb songs and "snap music". I don't believe that. Hip-hop has always had simplicity and complexity. It's always had songs about stupid stuff. (Come on guys, "Gin and Juice" is NOT a complex ass concept...I dare you to say it's not a classic) Hip-hop is universal. It's just as broad as the range of colors that tint the skin of the diaspora.
Hip-hop is not some king sitting on a throne dictating orders to people. Hip-hop is not some overly pretentious, bourgeois negro sneering down its nose at the impoverished. Hip-hop is the suburbs and the slums. It's just as much snap music as it is "The Purple Tape". It's beautiful in so many ways.
Hip-Hop is not dead...it's just sleep right now...
Rest brother....rest
Monday, August 07, 2006
Redux?
So, if you're reading this I probably directed you to it. This is going to be the entension of my blog for now for a couple of reasons.
1. I don't have a wireless connection at my job.
2. The files for my website aren't on my work computer.
3. I get bored at work and need to write.
4. Because I felt like it...
So, this is where the tracks from the wheels turning in my head will be presented while I'm at work.
Gimme a minute. I'll make you a believer.
1. I don't have a wireless connection at my job.
2. The files for my website aren't on my work computer.
3. I get bored at work and need to write.
4. Because I felt like it...
So, this is where the tracks from the wheels turning in my head will be presented while I'm at work.
Gimme a minute. I'll make you a believer.
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